A boy who pokes listlessly in the food. A girl who cries for afternoons. A boy lying awake at night. A girl who collapses before exams, even though she always writes good grades. All of these can be faces of depression. In my generation in particular, many believe that children do not become depressed. That's not true! In fact, around six percent of children and adolescents develop depression and around ten percent develop an anxiety disorder; Psychiatrists diagnose fatigue depression in about 20 to 30 percent of these children. Specifically, there is a child with burnout in every second school class. If all parents and grandparents knew that children could already suffer from depression, those affected would probably receive professional help earlier. As a rule of thumb, if a child has a conspicuous behavior for more than four to six weeks, they are listless, listless, cry often, and should be presented to a doctor.
Listening and asking
But parents and grandparents can also do a lot. A child needs to be taken seriously when in need, but not only when he is already ill. Unfortunately, adults are still often inclined to think that the smaller a child is, the smaller the problems are. Anne only played with Lisa today? Cem found your jacket stupid? There is a lot that seems banal to us adults. But just because it affects us in this way is far from it. The pain may not be less than that experienced in the office because the boss rounds you up in front of your colleagues.
The phrase "Tomorrow is forgotten" aggravates her pain rather than calms it. Because it signals: You will neither be understood nor accepted. Even nastier is a "Now laugh a bit". This sentence expresses the child's feelings. Would you say that if you broke a leg? Hardly likely. When depression is real, it aggravates the symptoms. Because that is exactly what these children can no longer laugh. As much as they want it themselves. What helps, on the other hand, is prejudice-free and non-judgmental listening and asking: "How are you? What concerns you? And if there is something that depresses you: Do you have an idea how you want to solve this?"
Grandparents are predestined for this kind of listening. Because they are outside of the closest family circle. This is an advantage in the case of reactive depression, which is triggered particularly often by the separation of the parents. The same applies to exhaustion depression. These arise from internalized pressure to perform, students today have an incredible workload. With school and homework, many work 50 to 60 hours a week.
Success without performance thinking and pressure
The good thing: grandparents are not primarily responsible for the grandchildren's academic success, and they are not part of the daily hamster wheel. Many parents are in it too. They, too, live at peak performance and unconsciously become role models. Those who don't do anything have lost, children learn that from an early age.
But grandparents can say: "I understand that school is important to you, and I think that's a good thing about you too." Together with the grandchildren, they can think about how the children, on the one hand, can meet their own requirements, but still learn to deal carefully with their physical and mental needs. Beautiful shared experiences help – without performance thinking and without pressure.
Prof. Dr. med. Michael Schulte-Markwort, 63, heads the Clinic for Child and Adolescent Psychiatry at the University Medical Center Hamburg-Eppendorf, has two children and is supervisor of the child and adolescent psychiatric practice Paidion in Hamburg. Book: "Family years. How our life with children succeeds" (Droemer, 19.99 euros).
Would you like to read more about the topic and exchange ideas with other women? Then check out the "Personality Forum" BRIGITTE community past!
Get the BRIGITTE as a subscription – with many advantages. Here you can order them directly.