Children's photos online: Yes, I am showing my child

I recently posted a selfie on Instagram of myself, my son and my two nieces. Actually, no big deal, because such motifs are shared millions of times a day. Usually selfies are taken without a specific reason, but in this case I wanted to talk about the selfie itself. More precisely: about the faces of the children, whom I had covered with three laughing smileys as an exception. I wanted to broach my opinion – including uncertainty – about “child photos online” and had no idea what that would trigger.

The shitstorm broke out in the mail of a well-known blogger who wants to ban child photos online with a missionary zeal, and continued with others who passionately tore up every single one of my arguments. In my post, I had written that there would definitely be decisions in the future that could have more fatal consequences for my son than showing a picture of him on Instagram: for example, attending a children's yoga class with him. That was just a small sarcastic tip on my part, but it caused so much anger that I will definitely never do one thing: attend a children's yoga class with him. Perhaps “baptism” would have been the better keyword. After all, most children do not choose their religion themselves. Next time …

"MASH IN THE FACE, EMOJI IN FRONT OF THE HEAD"

Under the blogger's post as well as under my post, the most diverse comments on the subject of children's photos soon began to pile up, and the mixture of opinions coincided with what I had already discovered on social networks.

There are three types of parents: the No pointer, the Emoji pointer and the All hands. While the No pointer don't let their children appear on social media for fear of possible consequences Emoji pointer not quite as strict and show the children's faces anonymously – or they only share pictures from above or from behind, sometimes only details such as the hand or the foot. Not a bad concept, considering that the police also warn against misuse of children's photos. Parents, who therefore put yellow smileys with their tongues out in front of their children's faces, are driving a lot safer.

For me, social media has always been a fine thing. How you present yourself there, what you reveal about yourself and how often – that's an absolute type thing. I understand everyone who values ​​their privacy or who thinks the whole thing is a waste of time. But I love it now. In fact, I often feel freer and more relaxed online than in some crawling groups.

Long before I even became a mother, I blogged regularly about myself, my everyday life and my observations. In addition, I provided my readers with selfies and other important snapshots from my life. I was warned back then. Once your photo is online, a lot can happen to it! I still take the warning seriously today. That is why I chose my motifs carefully, checked my security settings regularly and deleted a photo every now and then when I did not agree.

The uncertainty remains

Then my son came. Keeping him out of my online profile didn't seem like a charming option to me, especially since I never knew how I should have done it. After all, the little man determined every minute of my day. I hardly take pictures of anything else anyway. Because of the grannies, but also because of the memories of all the sweet moments with him. So I had to choose. However, not whether, but how I wanted to deal with these photos. An example: For days, my one-year-old son ran to our huge living room picture on the wall. He bravely tugged and jerked it with his short arms until it either slipped or fell completely off the wall (don't worry, the picture is very light). Every time he laughed out loud. About the picture, but also about my loud cursing, which in turn made me laugh out loud. Finally I reached for my cell phone and took a picture of the crooked picture, including my new interior designer. Filters over it and the funny caption: "Until I master parenting, I'm very open to change."

My son can be seen in the photo, but he has a hand over his mouth. It is relatively far away from me and I have not positioned it there for the photo. So I post between the Emoji– and the All pointers. It also happens that I show his face, albeit rarely, at a frequency that I personally think is appropriate.

That is why there are other rules: I make sure that I do not publish any embarrassing or inappropriate situations, for example nude photos. Or the famous and much-criticized broad-smeared face. I also don't show him over-stylized, don't put on extra pretty clothes, or motivate him to smile sweetly while lying on a sea of ​​petals. I feel comfortable with these rules. There are still uncertainties with me. For example, whether my son will feel comfortable with it later.

"SHOULD ALWAYS START FROM EVIL"

Back to the post that triggered the shitstorm. It was less about my rules than about refuting the common arguments of the non-pointers, which play with the fear of many parents.

That's why I wrote pretty confidently that I don't worry about pedophiles online because I assume that nobody wants anything bad for me and my child. That this may be a naive view, but I rate dangers outside of my Instagram profile more highly. That pedophile websites must be combated, that pedophiles on the Internet are not a physical threat to my son. The fact is: Even outside of social networks, children cannot be protected from indirect abuse: when I am sitting on the beach with my family, I do not constantly look for people who could secretly photograph my child in swimming trunks. No, I'm looking for my child.

To put it cautiously: Not everyone shared my view. "First of all, one should assume today that many want evil," commented an outraged user. Another wrote: "Suck, this naivety." Followed by further insults and instructions, which all seemed to suppress, that I was actually open for an exchange, even called for a discussion. Not least with the actual message that I am very concerned about this topic. That I'm sometimes unsure. That I like to see photos of children. Just like I love watching children in a playground with my son.

Not so easy, that with the right to the picture

How did it go on under my post? Of course, with references to the legal aspects of children's photos: "It is NOT okay and you are violating the rights of your children. So easy. ”An interesting comment, I think. Someone who thinks the right thing, but is extremely wrong. The legal situation is not easy at all. Children have a right to their own image. And that from the day she was born. However, they cannot have their own photo. The custodians therefore decide whether publication is allowed. And they have to do that until they are of legal age. But: From the age of 14 a young person can definitely request the deletion of a photo.

We parents always have to be aware that a toddler photo can cause problems for our offspring in adolescence or adulthood. The balance of judgment, for example, threatens to tip over if a much commented and enthusiastically liked clumsy moment of the child later does not match the self-image of the adolescent. You have to be careful.

My shitstorm and the debate about children's photos in general clearly show that we are not yet able to cope with our digital world. Let alone have any idea how to teach our children how to move around reasonably. The only thing that is certain is that they will do it much faster and probably more exuberantly than many parents would like. That's why some prefer to keep them away as long as possible, rather than preparing them for it as early as possible.

I recently read the article from a mother who, from my own experience, warned of child photos. Her 14-year-old son had come across a photo of herself in a princess dress while googling his name – his mother had submitted it to an online competition ten years earlier about gender roles. The son was horrified by the photo. And his mother that he was horrified. Somehow understandable.

My son, I am really sure, will not have a bad awakening later when he unexpectedly discovers photos of himself on the Internet. By then I had shown and explained it to him long ago. Also the photo with him and the crooked living room picture. We may both be laughing out loud again. If not, it will be deleted.

More info …

.. on the topic can be found on the websites of the German Children's Fund (www.dkhw.de), at klicksafe.de, an EU initiative for more security on the Internet, or at www.schau-hin.info, an initiative for Media education by the Federal Ministry of Family Affairs and public service broadcasting.

This article originally appeared on Eltern.de.