Christmas mourning
What you can do if the contemplation becomes too much for you
© Paolese / Adobe Stock
Christmas is not a contemplative time for everyone. We give you tips on how to deal with negative feelings.
In the cities everything is festively decorated, Christmas carols are heard everywhere and everyone is happy to talk about the Christmas days at home – the traditions with family or friends. But not for everyone, Christmas means a joyful get-together with loved ones. We explain why this could be – and what helps.
If you need help due to your mental state, you will find another information box with helpful data at the end of the text.
Reasons for Christmas mourning
Some people spend Christmas alone or without someone they love for the first time. Others have separated from their families because the relationships were too stressful. Among other things, a feeling of loneliness can arise when friends and acquaintances share their many photos and Christmas greetings.
Causes of Christmas sadness – and what you can do
Feelings of guilt, obligations & social pressure
Some of us feel like everything about Christmas rests on our shoulders. The food, the planning of the gifts, the decoration – all in one hand. And then if someone asks if there are no cookies this year, some people have the feeling that they are not living up to their expectations. There are also feelings of guilt because you still have to work and wanted to spend time with your family. Or because you wanted to fulfill all your wishes but can’t afford everything. Doubts about whether one can be happy at all when a certain person is missing. All of these can be possible causes of feelings of guilt at Christmas time.
What you can do: We often take on far too much at once and are too hard on ourselves. Nobody can do everything perfectly all the time – and it won’t hurt anyone if there are no cookies, for example. The person could also help out and bake some themselves. Just an example of how we don’t always have to bear sole responsibility. Where can you get help? Where should you say that it’s too much for you? Who can you talk to about your emotions in a safe environment?
nostalgia
Maybe there was a time when everything seemed better and happier. In which Christmas was easier for us and less stressful. Before the family was constantly arguing or there was always something wrong with the food – these can all be points that cause sadness or resentment or make you feel somehow alone even among other people.
What you can do: What things from the past can you still implement today? What used to help you feel anticipation? Is it the tasks that have been added that reduce this – or is it the lack of appreciation that bothers you? Feel into yourself and communicate what needs to change. Don’t judge other people’s behavior or blame yourself.
Loneliness & loss
People who celebrate without family or who have lost a loved one often feel lonely at Christmas. Because it is a completely different experience to spend Christmas without this person. And people in social institutions such as retirement homes or those who live on the streets often find it difficult. Others feel excluded. For example, when they see the pictures of happy families posted on social media.
The solution: Are there friends you can go to when you’re feeling bad? Who feel like family to you? Maybe you can meet them for brunch on Christmas Day since there’s nothing scheduled at that time. Or you could celebrate the holidays with a Christmas concert or a play make yourself happy. Another idea is to return. Many people in retirement homes feel lonely during the holidays and are happy to have visitors come by for games or stories. You could also help out at a soup kitchen for people in need.
Remembering people we miss can be a very beautiful thing. You could make a little ritual out of looking at old photo albums at Christmas or telling stories from the past that feel good to you.
The 3-point plan against Christmas sadness
If you are affected by Christmas mourning, we would like to give you a clear overview of what can help you:
- Notice your feelings and accept them. When we continually postpone our pent-up grief, we often feel worse. It’s okay if this alone is too much for you. A conversation with someone you trust, a help hotline or therapy can help.
- Don’t confront yourself with other people’s happiness. You don’t have to look on social media to see what everyone is doing at Christmas. You can delete apps that weigh you down from your phone for a few days and minimize your exposure to happy family photos where possible. Feel free to tell your friends if you don’t want Christmas greetings. Draw your own boundaries.
- Find something you’re excited about. Christmas is over and this can be a helpful support. Are you someone who can look forward to New Year’s Eve because that’s when you meet up with your friends? Or have you planned a vacation in the new year? Find something that makes you look positively into the future. Unfortunately, it’s Christmas time – but what happiness awaits you afterwards?
Sources used: mind.org, psychologytoday.com