Christophe Beaugrand tells us about his fight to become a dad

On the occasion of the release of his book Fils à papa (s), this Thursday, October 7, Christophe Beaugrand confided in aufeminin on the fight of his life: that of becoming a dad (s).

There is nothing trivial about getting started writing a book. It can be to express oneself, to confide or to share, for Christophe Beaugrand it was above all a way of remembering.

“It was so long and complicated, we meet a lot of people, we sometimes witness things that are a little surreal and astonishing… And I wanted to remember everything. It’s true that sometimes the memories are erased and when we write all that on paper, it allows us to engrave the thing. ”, he confided.

But that’s not his only motivation: “It was also important to be able to write for my little boy, if he ever wants to really know his story in a few years.”

And then, a little over a year ago, the host was contacted by an editor who had read an interview with Gala magazine, during which the subject of the family had been discussed. Little by little, Christophe began to write his testimony, to share it and to change mentalities. His childhood was also an important topic to deal with in helping young people in the same situation.

“Fighting against homophobia is one of my workhorses, I actively participate in operations to support the Refuge, which is an association supporting young homosexuals who are kicked out by their relatives. ”, he explained.

“I think that the book can be important for people who identify with my path and then that of Ghislain as well. It is important to talk about things and to make them visible in order to open the debate and mentalities. ”, he continued.

The Fils à papa (s) book is available now.

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The fight of a lifetime

From an early age, Christophe Beaugrand already dreamed of becoming a dad. A notion of family that had been instilled in him throughout his childhood. However, the facilitator realized early on that he was not like other children.

“Very young I realized that I was probably homosexual, at least I had this attraction for boys that I didn’t have for girls. But really at 10 years old, I felt it, at that age you don’t necessarily put words on things so easily, but I knew that there was something wrong with the majority. ”, he told us.

A worrying difference for the young boy who dreaded not being able to build the family he had always dreamed of.

“I said to myself ‘if I ever go to the end, if I accept myself as I am, I could not become a dad. And it was anguish. ”, he confided.

Despite this fear, Christophe was determined to see things through. After meeting Ghislain, who would later become her husband, the lovers together set out on a new challenge: to become dads. For this, the couple thought long and hard about how to achieve this before turning to surrogacy (Surrogacy).

“We’ve been thinking about this for a while. You should know that adoption for homosexual couples is almost impossible in practice because there are very few adoptable children in absolute terms. There is a priority for heterosexual couples, so children are almost never entrusted to homosexual couples. In addition, these are very long procedures, I was afraid to fight for 6 years, 7 years, even more, maybe not to get there in the end. And then I would have been too old to start a family, at least in my opinion. I didn’t want to take these steps after 50 years, it seemed a little too old to me. That’s how we turned to surrogacy. ”, revealed Christophe Beaugrand.

“With respect for women”

A whole new adventure then opened up to them. Direction the United States for Christophe and Ghislain to begin their process.

“What was very important in our approach with Ghislain was to be sure that we were dealing with serious people, with a legal guarantee that ensures that everything goes well and especially with respect for women. . ”, he insisted.

Indeed, the place of the woman is very important in this kind of procedure. In total, two women are involved in the process, the first is the egg donor and the second is a surrogate mother. In other words, the woman who will bear the baby will then have no genetic link with it, since it is an embryo that was created and fertilized invitro with a sperm donation from one or the other. of the two potential dads.
Surrogate mothers are also selected in advance, in particular on the basis of their financial income. It is important that money is not a motivation.
What has more to Christophe and Ghislain is that the whole procedure is extremely bordered and framed.
“I would never have been able to look my son in the eye or look at myself in the mirror if I hadn’t been sure things were going well.”, he revealed.

When embarking on a surrogacy process, the fake news can be extremely numerous, for example: “Surrogate mothers choose each other on the internet”. In reality, this is not the case at all. Several profiles are submitted to you but it is the surrogate mothers who choose.

“Each woman talks with a multitude of families, Whitney, our surrogate mother, chatted with 3 other couples before choosing us. We were very lucky because the feeling immediately passed with Whitney and her husband Jacob, it was like a crush. It’s a human adventure above all, that’s what you have to understand. We are not at all in the idea of ​​using someone. ”, confided Christophe Beaugrand.

In addition to being a long process, surrogacy is also very expensive. After finding the ideal surrogate, there is a whole medical part to be done. It is important to determine that there will be no physical or genetic problem. But in the United States the health system is very different from the French health system. Nobody in France really knows how much a childbirth costs, if you give birth in the United States it takes between 15,000 and 20,000 dollars.

Having become very close to Whitney, Christophe and Ghislain have chosen to give him the floor on the subject:
“I found that very important, it is something that was particularly close to our hearts, to hear the voice of this woman. I asked him the questions that people ask me regularly, but also the questions that people ask him. These are simple questions: why? How’s it going ? Wasn’t it too hard to part with the baby? ”, he explained before adding:
“Through this book I wanted to be in an exercise of sincerity, and I think we hear a lot of opponents of surrogacy who speak for these women. I tried not to speak for Whitney, by giving her the floor. It is always important to hear the main stakeholders, rather than speaking for them. It is the least respect, when we say that we respect women and children, we have to listen to them. ”

Direction Las Vegas

A few months later, the big day arrived. In most cases, we advise intending parents to come 2 weeks before the due date, except that for Christophe and Ghislain it did not go as planned.
“Three and a half weeks before, almost a month, we got a call from Whitney, we were in the evening, a Tuesday evening and our surrogate said to us’ Come quickly, there I feel it will not be long. , I just got out of the appointment with the doctor, I can feel it, he’s coming ”.”

Immediately, the future dads were quick to pack their bags, get plane tickets on the internet and leave for Las Vegas.

“It all happened very quickly, we arrived in Las Vegas on Thursday afternoon and Valentine was born on Friday. Right after she was born, while the nurses were giving her first aid, I went to give Whitney a hug and explain how much she had changed our lives. It was an incredible moment, an indescribable emotion. ”, he confided

“I think all parents understand that and all the more so when the process has been complicated. And I’m not just talking about surrogacy journeys, many women also use IVF, like my sister for example who struggled to have her second child, so I know how daunting the wait can be and hard.”, Christophe added.

The start of a new life

When we become a parent, we expect our life to change overnight.

“The arrival of Valentin in my life has both changed everything and at the same time nothing has changed. We were so close it was as if he had always existed. We often wonder with Ghislain it’s “but what did we do before?”, Because we take care of Valentine a lot so before we were bored on weekends. ”, he said with a laugh.

“After that where that changes everything, it is at the professional level, especially in my job where we tend to look at each other a little the navel, having a child that concerns you a little. And today I know that my priority is to take care of my little boy, to make him happy and to make him feel good. Think of someone other than yourself, that’s very important, and that changes everything. ”, he continued.

Two years after the birth of Valentine, the little family is still in contact with Whitney.
“She’s an integral part of our little boy’s life. Unfortunately, we still haven’t been able to see her again. She and her family were supposed to come to Paris last summer, but because of the Covid-19 pandemic it’s been 2 summers since it’s impossible. We look forward to them, in the meantime we send each other a lot of messages, photos and videos. ”, Christophe confided.

Today, Christophe Beaugrand and her husband Ghislain are happier than ever.
“I was so afraid that it wouldn’t happen, when you have this strong desire to be a parent, whether you are a woman, a man, straight or gay and you succeed in becoming one, it is such a accomplishment. I realize the privilege I have is the dream of a lifetime ”, he concluded.

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