psychology
My mother, the energy vampire: 6 tips against clinging mothers
© Olena Yakobchuk / Shutterstock
Clingy mothers, many know them. They come in every age group and can steal a lot of energy. We have six helpful tips to help keep mom (if necessary) at a distance, but still happy.
In the course of life, the relationship with our mothers changes. In childhood, mom is still our greatest role model and we want to be just like her. Stiletto in their high heels and steal their red lipstick. In puberty, we suddenly want the complete opposite, namely as little as possible agreement with the person who raised us. And at some point we want one thing above all: independence and live our own lives!
On average, young people don’t leave home that early: girls around the age of 23, boys are less in a hurry and leave their parents’ home at 25. So we spend a quarter of a century under one roof. Quite a long time. The fact that mothers find it difficult to let go in some cases is therefore not uncommon.
Nevertheless, it can be really exhausting in everyday life when parents are constantly getting in the way. With well-intentioned advice, constant phone calls or accusations like “You could be seen again!” In any case, not exactly conducive to a good relationship. So sometimes we’d like to run away, but our mothers are part of our lives – and somehow that’s nice too.
The following strategies can help you deal with helicopter mothers.
6 tips that can help with clinging mothers
1. It stands and falls with the feeling
If you make your mom feel like she’s still a part of your life, the chances are she’ll give you the space you want. The best thing to do is to work out one or two rituals that you do regularly together and that you both enjoy, such as having brunch once a month. So your mom always feels integrated and you can still do your own thing.
2. Communication is key
Nobody can read minds. It is therefore important that you express what is going on in you to those around you. Often, differences in perception are the cause of disputes. While you may feel totally besieged, your mom may have a completely different feeling. So tell her what you think openly and honestly. This is the only way you can find a solution.
3. Set limits
You have the right to live your life the way you want to. So set clear boundaries and stand up for yourself. You alone decide what is ok and what is not. Be open and honest about this and listen to what the other side has to say. You can also say no, for example to:
- Constant calls, control calls
- Unannounced visits
- Inappropriate allegations and claims
4. Empathy helps
Try to put yourself in your mom’s shoes and trade your anger for understanding. After all, there is probably something that annoys you about mom, including you. What would she wish for in order to be able to deal with the situation better? Of course, these wishes must not be utopian.
5. Small gestures, big impact
If you keep your distance, it is often not helpful and can even have the opposite effect. Namely, that your mom clings even more because she is afraid of losing you. Let them participate in your life. Send a few photos every now and then or make a video call. That hardly costs any time and relaxes the situation.
6. Talking is the best medicine
It can also help to exchange ideas with friends. How do others handle similar situations? Most of the time we are not alone with our worries and shared problems are often only half as bad.
Sources used: welt.de, spiegel.de, ze.tt.de, bfriends.gettotext.de