Co-rumination
Why talking about problems can make them worse
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A common saying goes that a suffering shared is a suffering halved. But, is this really the truth? A US psychology professor explains why letting problems rest rather than talking about them can actually be better for our mental state.
Whether we like to consult with others on difficult topics or prefer to deal with them ourselves is a matter of personality. But most of the time we believe that it is better to talk about our problems. That it will definitely do us good to tell our friend or a friend about it and get that person’s advice.
And yes: it may be that it feels better to express a difficult feeling or a stressful thought once than to continue to let the topic sink into our minds. However, it becomes problematic when at some point we can no longer stop talking about something. If every conversation we have, be it at work with colleagues, privately with friends or with our partner, only revolves around this topic. Because then there is a risk that we will really get caught up in certain feelings or thoughts and will no longer be able to distance ourselves from them.
That’s why co-rumination is so unhealthy for our psyche
Amanda Rose is a psychology professor at the University of Missouri in the USA and primarily researches friendships in children and adolescents. she has a An observational study was conducted on the effect of problem discussions in close friendships and an interesting discovery was made. Namely, the so-called co-rumination, i.e. excessively dwelling on our problems with our friends, can sometimes even make the situation worse.
“Ruminare” is Latin and means something like rumination. Cows chew the contents of their stomachs several times – and it’s the same with people who “chew” their problems and issues while ruminating repeatedly, hence the term “co-rumination”. For her study, Amanda Rose asked healthy students to think about a topic for eight minutes.
The result: The participants’ view of the past and the future became more pessimistic. Their problem-solving skills also reduced. The amygdala is activated by strong rumination; this part of our brain is responsible, among other things, for regulating our emotions. The students also had increased cortisol levels after ruminating – the body was in an alert state for a longer period of time.
We have to take action
This “overthinking” is poison for the psyche, because the more space we give to topics, the more they concern us, a vicious circle. The big difference between co-rumination and a healthy conversation about a problem is whether we eventually take action. Talking about something, getting a topic off your chest and getting advice can certainly help us. But at some point we reach the point where we can no longer get anywhere with talking and pondering. We have to take action and try to solve the problem.
Because co-rumination with a friend or colleague is, in principle, nothing more than brooding together with another person. When we intensively dissect a topic, we often end up speculating and catastrophizing. And that is exactly what is not good for our mental health. The risk of anxiety disorders or depressive moods increases when we lose ourselves in endless loops of thoughts.
This helps against co-rumination
According to Amanda Rose, just realizing that we are caught in a co-rumination spiral can help us. By noticing that when talking to someone we are getting into something and going around in circles instead of getting closer to a solution to the problem, we are mindful and can take countermeasures. The 2-minute rule can help: If we ponder something for more than two minutes without even coming close to finding a solution, we should try to let the topic rest.
The same goes for co-rumination with one conversation partner: If you’ve been talking about something for 15 minutes or longer and are just getting deeper into the problem, then it can help to change the subject. Feel into yourself and see how you feel about it. Do you feel relieved that you were able to express your thoughts and feelings? Or do you notice how you are getting further and further into the pondering trap, so that the topic continues to concern you even after the conversation? If the latter is the case, it is also time to let go of the problem for the moment.
It is not always easy to pinpoint the exact moment at which the conversation switches from a valuable exchange to excessive pondering without any solution. But with a little practice, we can definitely succeed – and our mental health will benefit in the long term.
Sources used: geo.de, psychologytoday.com, ncbi.nlm.nih.gov