On International Coming Out Day, Clara, a queer woman, wondered about this rite of passage in the life of an LGBT + person, which no longer seems to have the same meaning today.
Come out or not come out, that is the question… That, like many LGBT + young people, I asked myself during my adolescence, between a CD of Mika and the books of John Green. And from the moment I chose, in front of a tomato salad, to inform my parents that I loved girls, the question of how to announce it to anyone has always given me deep thought.
The only thing is: we are now in 2020, and – fortunately – I'm not 14 anymore. Fueled by benevolent and encouraging messages from associations and social networks, today's teens are far more gay, trans and queer of all kinds than my generation, although not so old, would ever have dared to do. Better yet, a large part of them even choose not to stick to a precise label, and with good reason: they have their whole life ahead of them, they might as well live it without being overwhelmed with existential questions.
Slightly destabilized by this army of little humans not even finished, so sure of themselves and so committed, I then asked myself the question: why does my generation still feel this pressure to “reveal” our identities and our sexual orientations, as if it were the best kept secret of the Templars?
Why come out of the closet?
Coming out is often associated with the notion of pride: I know that, personally, I love the community to which I belong. I find it beautiful, diverse and caring, and claiming my belonging is something that I am proud of every day. This is not the case for all LGBT + people, and it does not matter: we live our identity as we want, and especially as we can.
When asking my queer friends about their views on coming out, one point that came up often was showing who you are. Flore, for example, differentiates it from taking responsibility because, as she puts it, "you can't always show yourself publicly, and coming out is that: it's really about telling other people”. You can be queer and keep it to yourself, but she says "lComing out to yourself is a bit obligatory, in order to be happy and mentally stable!”
We often forget that the first person to come out is yourself. Realizing that you are deviating from the norm is sometimes a terrifying experience, or even something that you are not sure you understand. This is the case with Marion, who claims to be queer, but does not want to stick a more specific label. “It does not interest me", she said, stipulating not to understand "How love can be influenced by gender”. For her, it's something more spiritual, which doesn't necessarily need a name.
Besides, in Adrien's ideal world, "we wouldn't ask these kinds of questions”, And each would exist as it sees fit. But in today's society, he emphasizes that “it would be great if people who are cis and straight could have the intelligence to ask very general questions", To make it easier to accept everyone's direction or identity.
Coming out? Almost has-been.
Ten or fifteen years separate me from the teenagers of today. It may not sound like much, but with the emergence of new social networks and inclusive cultural content of all kinds, they may look down on us millennials.
While we scroll for hours on end for any queer-stamped fanfiction, all they have to do is open TikTok, or binge-watch the latest trending series on Netflix to find models to relate to, and to be reassured. Gay, bi.e and trans elected officials sit in national assemblies. Within schools and universities, some administrations make the necessary efforts to adapt to changes in the names and pronouns of their students.
Kai Shappley, young transgender actress in The Baby-Sitters Club on Netflix
Everything is far from perfect, but the world is certainly more welcoming to a young LGBT + today. Affirming one's identity or one's sexual orientation has logically become easier, and above all more common. However, I do recognize certain privileges, and never forget that when it comes to transidentity or non-binarity, it is often necessary to come out to be gendered as desired. When I see that “coming out of the closet” has become almost obsolete for certain directions, I can only rejoice.
I therefore wish future generations to live in an ever more open world, where the question they will be asked at Christmas dinner will be: "You have a boyfriend ? A girlfriend ? Anyone in your life?", Thus making the terrible period of adolescence a little easier, and freeing them from a number of headaches that I personally would have done well without.
See also: Grey's Anatomy: Sara Ramirez comes out non-binary