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Real strength can also come in a teary face
© Girts Ragelis / Shutterstock
Always keep up the facade, just don’t show any weakness? Meike Cornelius puts pictures of herself on the internet in which she can be seen crying or in despair. Why?
It upsets me that most people equate feelings with weakness. The opposite is the case: Allowing and showing emotions requires courage. I experience again and again that I am liked despite my weaknesses – sometimes even because of it. And: That I draw more joy, love and trust into my life as a result.
I used to be what you would call a “tough business woman”: controlled, analytical, factual. I never asked for help, kept my feelings to myself, decided purely with my mind. My job consisted of to-do lists, strategy and planning.
I hid my vulnerable side. What really moved me, existential fears, relationship problems, self-doubt, I showed at best to friends, my partner and family.
All facets and colors of life
That changed when I attended a personality workshop on femininity two years ago. That’s when I realized: Professionally, I was fed up with the beautiful appearances in marketing – and in my private life I finally wanted to show all my facets.
I started posting photos of myself on Instagram that showed me more authentically. Social media in particular increases the pressure on us women to always be perfectly styled, in a good mood, professionally successful and sexually attractive.
But I now shared photos that would have been unthinkable for me before: crying, with untidy rooms in the background, without make-up, coming out of the shower. The way I was, the way I felt right now.
Authenticity requires courage
At first it was associated with a queasy feeling. Wasn’t it too risky to show myself like this? But I overcame myself – and many women reacted positively to my openness, writing: “Respect! I wouldn’t have dared to post that!” They admired my courage to also address negative things, such as my collapsing order situation during the corona lockdown or a serious illness in the family.
Some wrote that they too would like to be more “honest” but are too afraid of being hurt, neglected or rejected. It is a sign of strength to face this very fear.
In fact, I’m “too much” for some: too unprofessional, too sensitive, too emotional. I’ve also been accused of wanting to show myself off. But that’s really not my point. By openly sharing my thoughts and feelings, I give others permission to do the same. This is how I create real, deep connections. Those who prefer to surf the surface may move on.
Just be honest
For me, living vulnerability in everyday life means communicating and acting from the heart: giving someone a sincere compliment, no matter how small the occasion. Also saying what annoys me, upsets me, disappoints me. Daring to cry in public, no matter how weird everyone looks. Or to say clearly when words are hurtful – and thus to draw boundaries. Ultimately, we are all humans who make mistakes. That’s exactly what I wish for myself and others and to deal with defeats and mistakes in a more relaxed manner. Because valuing vulnerability and emotions more would make all of us together more human and approachable.
Meike Cornelius, 48, supports the self-employed as a mentor for “spiritual personal branding” in holistic brand development and blogs herzenslichtstories.de.