It’s not money, success or fame that makes you particularly happy, but rather social contacts. This is what a study by Harvard University revealed. It is also clear to the researchers: the necessary skills can be trained. But which exercises can you use to strengthen your “social muscle”?
What really makes us happy? Since 1938, a study that is still active at Harvard University has been running since 1938, evaluating the data from around 700 test subjects and their descendants. The Harvard Study of Adult Development has been studying how happy these people are for over 85 years.
The result of the study is unsurprising: the people who feel the loneliest are the most unhappy. Healthy social relationships also have a greater influence on whether someone is happy than money, regular exercise or a healthy diet. What researchers are surprised by, however, is the high degree of influence of loneliness on health. People who are socially isolated and are often confronted with negative communication usually suffer from the situation. On the other hand, people who maintain deep and fulfilling social relationships live longer and healthier lives. “Loneliness kills. It is as strong as smoking or alcoholism,” said psychiatrist and study leader Robert Waldinger.
That’s why it’s even more important to stay socially fit. The problem is that not everyone likes social interactions. For some it may be easy, but for others communication is difficult. But the situation is not hopeless, because the researchers come to the conclusion that social fitness can be trained. Just like with physical fitness, if you want to achieve results, you have to work on your social skills regularly, said Robert Waldinger in an interview with “TED”. His tip: “If you want to make a decision today that will make you healthier and happier , then it is to pay attention to improving your relationships with other people.” But how exactly does that happen?
Sorting and prioritizing
In order to train our “social muscle” efficiently, we should reflect on and classify our existing relationships. According to the researchers, it makes sense to set priorities. In concrete terms, this means asking ourselves: Who do I give my time to and who don’t I? Another one in particular According to Waldinger, the central question is: What am I missing? Different approaches can be derived from the answers. You should therefore find out how much contact you need and at what point contact may be taking more energy from you than it is giving you. Depending on the result you come to , you can train your social fitness in the relevant areas. The exercises simply mean actively interacting and investing in relationships.
Exercises to enhance existing relationships
Good friendships must be maintained, explains Robert Waldinger. You have to keep returning to good relationships; they require attention and initiative.
It goes on to say: It is essential to get in touch with people with whom you want to maintain contact. A simple message like “Hey, I was thinking of you today and wanted to write to you” is enough.
Social fitness is also reflected in daily planning. This means that instead of sitting in front of the laptop for two hours on Saturday afternoon, you might prefer to go for a walk with someone, says the expert.
In order to guarantee contact with the people who are most important to us, we could set up routines with them, Waldinger continues. For example, a weekly coffee date or a monthly walk would be good approaches.
Existing relationships are often taken for granted. But that is by no means the case. According to Waldinger, care also includes trying out and doing new things. A new activity, a new restaurant: all of this can provide a breath of fresh air in your acquaintance, friendship or relationship.
Exercises to make new contacts
Of course, there are also people who have a lack of social relationships. But they are by no means trapped in their situation. They can also train their social fitness. If you’re looking for friends and deep connections, you should do something you’re genuinely passionate about, says Waldinger. Regardless of whether it’s a hobby or volunteer work, it’s important to interact with like-minded people. After all, you quickly start talking about a common interest.
Using small talk correctly can also help. On the one hand, to make new contacts, and on the other hand, the Harvard study showed that even superficial interactions can make you happy, provided they are positive.
Waldinger gives some examples of how you can actually step out of your comfort zone in everyday life. Say a kind word to a stranger on the street, strike up a conversation with the single neighbor next door, or do something with those people you often take for granted. The expert emphasizes one thing in particular: It is important to pay attention to feedback and to recognize positive achievements as such.
What if this is all too much for me?
People differ in their need for connection and it’s completely okay to be an introvert. The fact that little contact is enough for some people is completely normal, says Robert Waldinger. Being socially fit doesn’t mean always being able to communicate and get along with everyone; Rather, recognizing what you need and strengthening these skills. But it is still clear to the researchers in the study: We all need a little contact.
Sources used: news.harvard.edu, stern.de, youtube.com/ted, derstandard.de