Corona and Mentally Ill: How the Pandemic Made Everything Worse

Mentally ill in the pandemic
How Corona made everything worse for me

I bite into the fries, but my throat is constricting. Not a bit like usual, but completely. The act of swallowing becomes an insurmountable problem: Shit!

I was actually looking forward to the evening. It is summer and the pandemic has been dominating our lives for five months. I am finally able to see three work colleagues I have come to love again. We go out to eat together in the evening – just like before Corona almost every day. But this time everything is different because: I can't swallow.

Swallowing disorders: loss of control and social end

For seven years I have suffered from mental swallowing disorder, part of my anxiety disorder. She always appears in public when I eat in the company of others. So far I had the disorder under control, every meal together was considered exposure therapy – until Corona found its way into our lives. The lunch dates together fell away, I ate at home alone.

On that summer evening with my colleagues, I noticed that the lack of dinner appointments made my swallowing disorder much worse. I was barely able to eat my fries in front of the others and made an excuse. The shame that they might see what was wrong with me was too great. I realized that I had lost control of my fear. From now on fear controlled me.

Hello anxiety disorder, there you are again!

A worsening of my anxiety disorder made itself felt at the beginning of the pandemic. On the penultimate weekend in March, I was lying on the couch watching the news. A column of military vehicles left the Italian city of Bergamo on the television. There were a number of corona deaths in them. For the first time, I realized how bad the situation really was.

My hands got wet with sweat and ice cold. My heart beat faster and faster. A feeling of tightness developed in my chest. Dizziness set in, my eyes blurred. I had to get out of the situation, got up, opened a window and took a deep breath of the cold, clear air. This condition happened more and more from now on. Hello anxiety, I haven't missed you guys!

Depression? Here I come!

My depression also spoke up more and more – in the form of extreme mood swings. In the middle of May, after months without going to the cinema, concerts or the like, I started crying hard one evening without warning. The sadness overwhelmed me and wouldn't let go of me for hours. The wine attacks and extreme mood highs and lows started more regularly from then on – sometimes for hours, sometimes for days.

High sensitivity or: How meeting friends becomes a physical stress test

It's autumn 2020 and the second lockdown is approaching. And also the request of the federal government: "Reduce your social contacts", sounds again from the speakers of the television. I noticed what the months of measures did to me not only when I went to a restaurant with my work colleagues, but also when I visited a friend.

After the meeting, I felt downright exhausted – as if I had run a marathon. But I am not at all. I only sat on a couch for a few hours and talked. On the way home, I felt a load drop from my shoulders. Then headaches, neck tension and a feeling of aching limbs set in. This situation was repeated after every meeting. So social contacts also bothered me more and more.

8 strategies that helped me

After years of therapy experience, I have learned how to help myself – even in this exceptional situation. My strategies are NOT a substitute for therapy. If someone seriously needs help: Please call the telephone counseling number above.

Sources used: own experience report

Brigitte