It is truly not an easy situation that many parents in Germany have to face these days. The daycare centers and schools are closed, leisure facilities and playgrounds closed, tourist trips should no longer take place, social contacts are restricted as much as possible. Even when walking, it is important to keep a clear distance from other people. The The work and care for the children must somehow be carried out by the families, but the children are no longer supposed to be with the grandparents.
Employers are called on to find flexible solutions and to continue paying wages, but the economy is also under increasing pressure and financial concerns are growing. Many self-employed are also very concerned about their livelihood. The consequence: The nerves are tense, many parents are on the way to despair, as this post on Instagram shows:
The Federal Parents' Representation of Child Day Care and Day Care (BEVKI) writes very clearly: "As parents, we will be dependent on the solidarity of society in the coming weeks. Parents will not be able to deal with the consequences of the nationwide closings of day care centers alone. (…) The financial impact of nationwide facility closure on families must also be an issue. Parents cannot be left alone with this burden. "
How can I manage not to lose my nerve in such an extreme situation? We talked to the Hamburg therapist and naturopath for psychotherapy Andrea vorm Walde.
BRIGITTE.de: Dear Frau vorm Walde, many parents bring the quarantine measures or the closure of day care centers and schools to despair. You sit at home with the children, are worried, have to do childcare and work at the same time, and there are often legal uncertainties and disputes with the employer. How can I keep my nerve in such a situation?
Andrea vorm Walde is a therapist, coach and alternative practitioner for psychotherapy. She looks after her clients in a Hamburg practice and online. There are also regular tips from her on her blog www.andreavormwalde.de
Andrea in front of the forest: Above all, keep calm. We have to see one thing: the situation inevitably brings us a certain deceleration; we can think and organize one by one. In addition, the relevance to reality is important, because horror scenarios and negative mind games always bring a downward spiral. And the reality is: for everyone without exception – from our government to the boss to each of us – this is a new situation. There is no right or wrong yet. As a third component, trust in society and in ourselves is certainly our best adviser.
What can I do if I notice that, as a mother or father, I am so worried and worried that I can no longer cope with the situation when sleepless nights and worry headaches torment me?
Above all, one should not eat these fears for a long time, but rather express one's worries. Everyone is affected at the moment, so the 'self-help group' can be – best in digital form and without personal contact – our friends, neighbors, other parents, colleagues. Talking helps, but only if it does not create communal scaremongering. But pouring out your heart at the right people and orienting yourself towards each other makes it easier and gives back security.
Many parents are currently sharing their worries on social platforms such as Instagram and Facebook and are exchanging ideas on how to deal with the increasing restriction of social contacts. This digital support is certainly very helpful for many! But if that is not enough, or I would prefer to exchange ideas privately – are there other possibilities for mental support in such acute stressful situations?
You should never be afraid to seek professional help. Incidentally, digital methods can also help us at the moment because they avoid close contact: For example, I have been working with online coaching and workshops for almost 2 years – with good success for my clients. And since I see the current need, I am now spontaneously planning a fixed group for the coming time, which regularly meets for an hour to share with each other via zoom (similar to Skype). A tool that can of course also be used privately – for example, I have an appointment with my mother tomorrow evening for a glass of 'online prosecco', which I just can't see otherwise.
For many parents, the increasing strain and isolation from the corona virus also means an enormous strain on the couple relationship. How can I protect my relationship from these challenges?
What we just have to forget less than usual is that each family member has their own needs. Of course, we are now even more of a community, but we also remain individuals and need our own space. So I should be allowed to treat myself to a phone call with my girlfriend without a listener. And my husband may need his jogging lap. This also applies to the children, who have to be allowed to do their own thing in between. We have to respect each other's needs, otherwise we will get a warehouse bug. (Editor's note: You can find even more ideas against the camp freak and home office with children here.)
Many parents are also wondering how to deal with the increasing panic of the corona virus to protect their children. What am I going to do to my children? How do I convey to them that protective measures make sense, but too much fear is not helpful?
Above all, I see it that we are teaching the children what it means to have an attitude. Remain prudent between scaremongering and denial. To take responsibility myself without waiting for an announcement from above. To take care of others because they are in greater need than I am. It exudes self-confidence and is known to be the best protection against fear. In no case, however, are we allowed to play something for the children; they have an unmistakable sense of subliminal feelings and are then very unsettled. If there is fear, then rather deal with it openly.
The current government guidelines on preventing the spread of the coronavirus (as of March 16, 2020) can be found here.
Would you like to exchange information on the subject of coronoa virus? Then take a look at our BRIGITTE community.
Sources used: bundesregierung.de, sueddeutsche.de, welt.de, bevki.de, andreavormwalde.de, Instagram