Corona pandemic: This has become more important in partnerships

Corona pandemic
That has become more important in partnerships

Some partnerships flourish during the corona pandemic.

© Ivanko80 / Shutterstock.com

The corona pandemic is changing the needs in relationships. This is shown by a test by couples therapist Wieland Stolzenburg.

The corona pandemic apparently has an impact on the needs in a partnership. The couple therapist and author Wieland Stolzenburg (including "103 questions for couples") has found that since the beginning of the crisis, many have wanted to experience their partner's appreciation in a new way. Between mid-August 2018 and the beginning of February 2021 he evaluated his test "Five languages ​​of love". Stolzenburg compared more than 50,000 results. In an interview with the news agency spot on news, he talks about his findings.

These are the "five languages ​​of love"

The "five languages ​​of love" is a term from couples therapy that was developed by the American therapist Gary Chapman. Chapman argues that there are five different so-called love languages ​​that people speak in relationships. These are praise and recognition, time together, gifts and attentions, helpfulness and support as well as physical contact and intimacy.

"The languages ​​express when we feel loved by our partner," explains Stolzenburg. For a better understanding he used the following comparison: "There are vehicles that run on gasoline, others with diesel or electricity. If we fill up a gasoline vehicle with gasoline, the car drives. However, if we fill it up with diesel, it will not get far." It is similar in love relationships: "One person prefers compliments and recognition in his love tank, another can do less with them. His fuel of love is, for example, body contact and tenderness." Those who know about their own languages ​​of love and those of their partner can avoid many misunderstandings and conflicts. Then "understanding for one another and closer proximity would be much easier," reports the relationship advisor.

This has been the most important thing for couples since the beginning of the corona pandemic

"Since the beginning of the Corona crisis in spring 2020, some changes have become visible," says the couple therapist, describing his observations. Stolzenburg compared the test results up to the end of February 2020 with those from March 2020. The language of love "Time together" was able to record an increase of 16 percent and "body contact and intimacy" even a plus of 20 percent. The language "helpfulness and support" is still important. "'Praise and recognition with a minus of nine percent and" gifts "with a minus of five percent became less important to the people. They landed less frequently in the first place of the five languages ​​of love," says Stolzenburg.

A total of 24.7 percent of the test participants said that "body contact and intimacy" were most important to them. For 24 percent, "time together" is the most important language of love, followed by "helpfulness and support" with 23.4 percent. 19.1 percent think that "praise and recognition" are essential. The language "gifts and attentions", on the other hand, is currently perceived by fewer people as being central.

He can only speculate about why the needs of many have changed during the corona pandemic, says the expert. “What we miss most during the crisis is physical contact and time together. These are precisely the two languages ​​of love that came out much more often as the number one love language. If we don't see or feel other people, then these are them Needs not met. "

"The corona crisis shows the quality of the partnerships"

According to the author, what becomes clear because of Corona is the quality of partnerships. Stolzenburg explains: "On the one hand there are many relationship crises and with them separations and on the other hand partnerships flourish. It shows how stable and harmonious the relationships are and precisely the issues that couples have avoided so far become visible." His tip for couples: "Open communication about your own well-being and needs are essential. Even if this may be something new for some couples, really taking time for qualitative exchange and letting others participate in your own soul life helps. "

In addition, especially in times of the corona pandemic, it is important to realize "that not all difficulties have to do with the partner and that he is not responsible for all the challenging things". It is always easier to blame others, because then you are "fine-tuned", says Stolzenburg. But ultimately the partner is "just a mirror for ourselves". He recommends: "We shouldn't use the energy to criticize or change our partner, but to look at ourselves: What can I specifically contribute to making my life easier and better? What can I give my partner and what can I do invest in the relationship so that it becomes more beautiful and loving? " The languages ​​of love could also be helpful here.

Joint projects – but also time alone

Especially when working from home or working short-time, some feel sluggish and often in a bad mood. To prevent this, couples would benefit "if they are looking for small or large projects that they can tackle together," says Stolzenburg and gives examples: "Every day, cook something new from a cookbook, clean out the apartment and the cellar, register for an online yoga course or learn a new foreign language together. "

But in addition to these joint activities, it is also crucial that everyone has space and time for themselves, "to breathe and not be in touch with the other." "Very pragmatic agreements help here, who is going for a walk when or who has the living room to themselves for an hour," recommends the author.

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