Couple Diology: Love Lessons from Charlotte Roche

The presenter and "Wetlands" author Charlotte Roche and Martin Keß-Roche have been married since 2007 – apparently the two are doing something right in their relationship. But if you listen to their joint podcast "Couple Diology" it quickly becomes clear: there are also conflicts in their marriage and sometimes solving them is anything but easy! How do they do it again and again? From the book "Couple Diology. The Relationship Book", which has now been published by Piper Verlag, we think we have read a few of their love secrets …

6 love lessons we can learn from Charlotte Roche and her husband

1. Talking helps!

Sex, affairs, quirks, romance, disappointments – Charlotte and her husband talk about EVERYTHING in their podcast, openly and (almost) relentlessly. And if you already do it in front of an audience and on tape, you will surely treat each other just as honestly in your everyday relationship and with each other. So: cell phone out of hand, grab treasure and chat! Maybe you would like to record your conversations …?

2. Questions, questions, questions!

A nice side effect of talking: We get the opportunity to talk! Charlotte Roche: "I just love when I think: 'What have I always wanted to ask Martin about?' The crazy thing is, I can think of so many questions, it can't be. I think, because we have been together for so long, we don't really ask ourselves any more. You just think, 'Yes, I know you.' But if you have the opportunity, like here, to ask questions like in a game, so many come up. I have the feeling that you could have asked a little more earlier. "

Thank you, dear Charlotte, message arrived!

3. Find your own relationship code (s)!

Honestly: Many will surely think that they would never speak to their partner if they listen to "couple diology" or read the book. But nobody has to. A relationship is about developing your own language and your own forms of communication that work for us. The way Charlotte and Martin talk shows how close they are and how close they are. To give just one example:

  • MARTIN: See you next week.
  • CHARLOTTE: See you next week. I love you, Martin.
  • MARTIN: Thank you, I know.

4. Frame the acquaintance story and hang it in the memory so that it is clearly visible!

No matter how long you are together: We should always keep the memory of how we got to know our treasure and fell in love with it in honor and on call. Of course, butterflies in the belly do not survive forever and without pink filters the reality doesn't look as funny anymore. But remembering the beginning of the relationship helps many couples through so many crises – and can provide inspiration for everyday life …

  • MARTIN: Do you think we'd fall in love with each other? You can say, "No, I don't think so."
  • CHARLOTTE: (…) I already know you, I would fall in love with you again. And then I thought: you don't get into me. And do you know why? Because it was so blatant in the beginning, because I was so traumatized. And so by the wind and so broken and so destroyed. (…) Wherever one might ask: What is wrong with you that you fall in love with such a pile of misery? And over the years you've been kind of feeding me on the bottle.
  • MARTIN: But I can calm you down, it wasn't like that at all. You may have felt that way. Or maybe you think about it afterwards. But I didn't see you like that at all. So, I saw you totally strong. I thought: Boah, this is the strongest woman in the world. And I didn't know then that you could lift heavy tables.

5. Humor and friendship – SOOO important!

Irony definitely seems to be an integral part of the relationship code of Charlotte Roche and her husband Martin. But that's not all. In addition to erotic attraction, the two obviously have a friendly, buddy relationship – as exemplified by this dialogue.

  • MARTIN: Should we tell the most unpleasant thing about us, right in the first episode?
  • CHARLOTTE: Oh god, I don't know what's coming, I don't know. (…)
  • MARTIN: The clapping. So let's assume Boris Becker separates from one of his wives or girlfriends. (…) Then it says on Spiegel Online or or Watson or whatever they are all called: Marriage-out with Boris Becker, separately. Then I take a picture of it, send it to you, and then we clap ourselves.

6. Develop a common sex rhythm

Yes, sex is important for a partnership because it strengthens the bond and promotes intimacy (e.g. through the hormone oxytocin). But how much sex we have and how crazy we should go, we as a couple have to find out together and adapt and develop again and again. In the first phases of the relationship, pleasure and experimentation are certainly still great for most, but over time both decrease and it is completely normal. It is important to respond to each other and to find a sex rhythm that works – similar to Martin and Charlotte …

  • CHARLOTTE: What things of a sexual nature do you miss that we used to do and no longer do? Sip. (…)
  • MARTIN: I think in the beginning, in the first few years, we did a lot of great and exciting things that we don't do anymore. Most of the time, or probably always, the idea came from me. There is a good reason that we stopped. I missed that, but I don't miss it anymore. Because I realized that this is not yours, but rather mine. How our sex life is now, I think, is ours. And that's great.