Part 4 of our series #dubiststark: Vanessa and Ina. The two Berlin women are already among those women who are changing the world. In the BRIGITTE.de interview, they explain why they can usually be seen smooching on Instagram.
Part four of our #dubiststark series: Every month we introduce an admirable woman who moves, inspires and encourages us. This time there are even two strong ladies: Ina and Vanessa. The two study and live in Berlin – and want to encourage people to stand by their identity, not to hide and to go their own way, even if it lies outside the traditional ways of life. Check out ours too Instagram channel, where you can learn more about inspiring women!
Humid? Lesbian? Bi? Who cares?! What sexual orientation we have is now known to be irrelevant and no longer an issue at all. After all, we live in a tolerant society in which same-sex couples are even allowed to enter the sacred state of marriage.
So far, so theoretically. But the reality of life looks different. Especially if you grow up in a Brandenburg village where the liver sausage sandwich is served on the dinner table at 6 p.m. Then the only thing that is realistic about the theory described is the word evenbecause it implies that there is still something special that gays and lesbians are allowed to marry …
Puberty + insecure + lesbian + village = not that nice …
Ina and Vanessa, in any case, grew up in such a Brandenburg village and sexual orientation has always been an issue for her – especially your own and, for a long time, especially an unpleasant one. But not one that you talked about or with which you would have deliberately dealt with. “As teenagers we were both firmly convinced that we were into boys,” says Ina, “our parents always asked us whether we had a boyfriend or a date with a boy. So we didn’t consider anything else at all . ”
Yet, they say today, they could have guessed it much earlier. For example, because as teenagers they never felt that they belonged so completely to the other girls in their class. Or because they found series cool that no one else could do anything with. Or because they naturally considered women attractive – doesn’t everyone do that? Isn’t there anything in it? But that all of this could mean that they are lesbian, Ina and Vanessa only got the idea for a while, numerous frustrating and unsettling experiences and countless lonely moments later …
How they really got to know each other – and themselves
In their homeland, Vanessa and Ina went to the same high school for a few years. They knew each other briefly, but were never particularly close. Girlfriends? Nope! Both did their thing, each for themselves – or for their parents, teachers, friends … After all, after graduation, they had the same goal (independently of each other): Berlin, off to freedom!
But not that much would have changed for the two of them there either – if Ina hadn’t had the glorious idea of having her hair cut. And if Vanessa hadn’t found the courage to write to her school acquaintance about her first Insta-Post, on which she can be seen without a long, blonde braid. In fact, they have laid the foundation for their friendship together. And of course for what became of it.
At first Ina and Vanessa were just friends. Ina, in particular, took a while – about half a year – before she understood that she loves Vanessa. “We were very insecure and just couldn’t believe it at the beginning. We thought it might just be curiosity,” says Ina. But over time they became inseparable and what they had thought to be curiosity turned out to be the pleasure that they had already heard of, but that they had never felt themselves before. With that the matter was clear. But first (unfortunately) only for Ina and Vanessa. Finally, the village in Brandenburg had to be informed about the matter …
Coming out via WhatsApp
In the early stages of their relationship, kissing, holding hands or anything else that could indicate that they were together was taboo for Vanessa and Ina. Hardly anyone knew that something was going on between them; most thought they were best friends. “Some of our family members probably already suspected something because we were together all the time. But we just didn’t have the guts to tell them,” says Ina. It was only after more than a year that they acknowledged their relationship. “We told many about it via WhatsApp. Coming out was really difficult for us,” confesses Ina. “Before you can say something, your own inner acceptance must first be there.” And where should this acceptance suddenly come from for something that does not even appear in the worldview with which one grew up …?
In the meantime, the two Berlin women by choice have finally accepted this acceptance and who they are: Ina and Vanessa, 23 and 22 years old, students in Berlin, a couple for two and a half years, like to put on make-up, neither of them like butter. A few relationships have broken since they came out, but most of their relatives and acquaintances reacted well to them – acceptance is usually contagious, as is (self) love …
Why kiss photos on Instagram?
Of course, Ina and Vanessa could now live happily ever after until the end of their days (or love) in quiet Berlin – but they don’t. Because they can’t forget how difficult it was for them. How lonely they felt as teenagers, how often they doubted themselves and how long later they kept their love hidden out of fear and insecurity. Because they know from their own experience that our society is nowhere near as tolerant as we would like it to be (here you read some of the absurd prejudices that you as lesbians face again and again). And because they are finally happy with each other and give each other strength – and wish this happiness to others too.
That’s why Ina and Vanessa have a joint in September 2018 Instagram account created on which they post photos of themselves – mostly smooching.
“We want to show that we can kiss wherever we want. We don’t have to be ashamed or hide. It should become normal for two men or women to hold hands or kiss each other on the street“explains Vanessa. On hers Youtube channel Both of them have told their story and regularly upload videos in which they share their experiences, respond to messages and questions from their followers or give tips on how to B. can become clear about one’s own sexuality. “We want to give other people the strength that we didn’t have at the beginning. We want to help women and men to build self-love and self-acceptance. We want to network people and bring them into contact,” they say. “We hope that all lesbian women go their own way and become happy with the partner they want by their side. Do what makes YOU happy – and not the others.” Amen! We can’t add anything to that, except that of course ALL people are allowed to feel addressed, regardless of whether they are queer, straight or asexual.
Dear Ina, dear Vanessa, thank you very much for your commitment – for love, freedom and respect!
Video tip: “Mom, I’m gay” – this outing moves you to tears