Crying babies: Baby, please stop crying

When nothing helps

Three months. That was the magic number, the light at the end of the tunnel. At three months Leon would finally sleep better, no longer want his chest every one and a half hours. And above all, stop screaming so much. Everyone said that – the grandparents, the girlfriends, the baby guides, which Leon's mother Sibylle Breitling (name changed) had bought in piles. The pediatrician had also reassured her: Physically everything was in perfect order with the little one. But then the longed-for date passed, and Leon's little body was still under constant tension. He still woke up at least every two hours and only got about eight hours of sleep, day and night combined. And every afternoon, when it got to 5pm, the crying began.

Crying that didn't help – no pacifier, no music box, no carrying around for hours in the pilot's grip. Until the mother burst into tears herself. "I was often so desperate," remembers the 33-year-old, "because I thought: Maybe the doctor overlooked something and Leon is hurting something. It was this feeling of powerlessness: My child is trying very hard to give me something say, and it doesn't reach me. And who should understand him if not me? "

Sibylle and her son are not alone in this experience. Experts estimate that around every fifth child in Germany is a "cry baby". According to the definition of experts like the Munich infant researcher Mechthild Papousek, these are babies who cry for at least three hours on at least three days a week over a period of three weeks. Screaming, which cannot be reassured, is not the only thing that unsettles and drains parents: they almost always have massive sleep problems.

Opinions differ as to whether there are more such children today than in the past – at least the phenomenon is taken more seriously today. For the benefit of those affected. "It wasn't easy for me to seek help," remembers Sibylle, "because that felt like an admission of guilt: now you have a child and you can't deal with it." The popular and vague explanation of "three-month colic" did not convince her – in fact, even current medical studies cannot prove a connection between increased crying and digestion.

Little sensitive people

There is one thing that infant researchers, doctors and alternative practitioners can agree on: baby babies suffer from a "regulatory disorder". That means: They are extremely sensitive and therefore more easily overstimulated than other babies. Similar to an adult who cannot sleep after watching a disturbing movie – only that the mobile above the changing table can be too much for an oversensitive baby. So a question of disposition? Also – but not only: "No two baby cribs are alike," says body therapist Monika Wiborny, who runs a baby crib outpatient clinic in Hamburg with two colleagues. "There are a number of factors that can lead to increased irritability. Especially stressful experiences during pregnancy or childbirth."

It was like that with Sibylle: At first everything looked like a picture-perfect delivery, but then the birth stalled after twelve hours of labor. The doctor advised an emergency caesarean section. "My friend Daniel and I both cried because we were so disappointed," she recalls. The shock was quickly forgotten when the midwife showed the parents the baby ("The greatest moment of happiness of my life!"), But already in the hospital, the new mother noticed that her baby was more unbalanced than others. She soon found out that Leon mostly fell asleep peacefully on his chest. But a nurse warned her not to let this become a habit. That unsettled Sibylle even more. "Even during pregnancy I had the feeling that you shouldn't make any mistakes, not eat anything wrong or overlook any other danger," she says. "Leon's restlessness made me really nervous – and that in turn passed on to him. It was like a constant exam situation."

Listen to your inner voice

Father Daniel went out of his way to support mother and child, took over the entire household, stayed cool in the eye of the storm. "We noticed that we were a good, strong team and that made us even closer," recalls Sibylle.

Less stable partnerships often suffer as well: when the nerves are on the edge, the wrong word can lead to anger. Against each other – but also against the child. Because the feeling of powerlessness can turn into aggression. Leon's mother very quickly found a way to deal with it. "Sometimes his screams just drove me crazy. Then the anger was almost as great as the pity. In moments like that I just went into the next room and hit a pillow." But not infrequently, baby critters are actually victims of abuse: The impulse to take the roaring bundle and shake it can be too overwhelming. Life threatening for babies.

Finally Sibylle ended up with her son in Monika Wiborny's Hamburg screaming clinic. And there she learned one thing above all: to listen to her inner voice. "I was completely unsettled by the many books and the tips from my environment," she says. "During the consultation, I quickly understood that I can trust my own intuition." Breastfeeding to sleep, putting the baby in their own bed – why not, if everyone benefits? "Mothering the mother" – that is an important motto of these institutions, which have emerged across Germany in recent years. Being able to speak out is at least as relieving as the relaxing massage and breathing techniques.

After a few sessions, mother and child felt better: "Leon has become much softer, is now resting in himself – the purest Buddha baby," says Sibylle with relief. She finally has the feeling that her loving gestures are really being received: "He still cries a lot – but now I can calm him down. An enormous difference!"

The nights are also quieter: even at five months old, Leon still comes every two and a half to three hours, but nods off again after drinking. "Of course I get a little jealous when I hear about mothers in our PEKiP group whose children sleep six hours at a time – but Leon is such a great little person. I enjoy life with him a lot more now." In any case, she has not lost her desire to have children: Leon should definitely have a sibling.

This article originally appeared on Eltern.de.