Dating trend
Hardballing “can have tension in the air”
More and more people want to be clear on the first date.
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Hardballing is the dating trend right now. An expert will reveal who the method is suitable for and what is important.
Communicate the desire to have children or a wedding at the first meeting? Clear announcements and targeted searches are currently very popular in dating. But is the so-called hardballing method something for everyone? After all, it’s about “self-confident, clear and courageous rushing ahead”, knows date doctor Emanuel Albert (www.datedoktoremanuel.de), Author of “Every day anew in love” (YES Verlag). In an interview with the news agency spot on news, he reveals what the new dating trend is all about.
Hardballing is currently mutating into a dating trend. What exactly is it?
Emanuel Albert: Many people have had many, perhaps too many, dates in recent years, which is partly due to all the apps that we can now use. At some point, a certain camp fever comes up through conversations that didn’t seem to lead anywhere. The whole thing can be shortened with hardballing. You find out sooner and faster whether the other wants what I want too. For me, a classic cliché about men and women is that they often don’t want the same thing at the beginning. Not infrequently one or the other hides that and then comes the rude awakening. Hardballing is about breaking through exactly that and clarifying early on whether the other person suits me. It’s about rushing ahead with confidence, clarity and courage.
What are the benefits of hardballing?
Albert: The big advantage of hardballing is that you dare to let out what you feel and to clarify early on what you want and what you don’t want. If you fail, you can tell yourself afterwards that you have saved time. And if it fits, you can get to where you want to go much earlier.
Are there any disadvantages?
Albert: Yes, because it goes against our intuitive feeling to take our time with data, to get to know, to entice and to discover the other person. Hardballing can be daunting in this regard too. I have the feeling that quite often when getting to know people, the more self-confident person is also the bigger hardball player and leaves the other behind faster. If you get to know each other over a longer period of time, you may be more willing to make a strong compromise and, for me, compromises are part of a good relationship. That is already faded out at the beginning with hardballing.
When is the right time to express your specific wishes and goals on a “normal” date?
Albert: In fact, you set your specific goals and wishes over the course of several dates. You should use the first date to get to know the other person and to show what you are like and to chat about desires, life, hobbies, job, etc. If the mood was good, the first no-gos can come up on the second or third date, which, by the way, is also a bit of hardballing. When you then have a good feeling and notice that you are getting on with your date, it is important not to burn yourself out. For me, that’s a really big problem with hardballing. My experience as a date doctor is that pressure doesn’t do much.
For which people is hardballing the ideal dating method?
Albert: Hardballing is especially suitable for those who have already been using hardballing for a long time. When I think of speed dating, where you bang all the other questions on the other’s ears in a minute, you’ve basically had a kind of hardballing. The method is ideal for those who are tired from countless dates and encounters and no longer feel like having lengthy conversations.
Is hardballing both online and face-to-face?
Albert: Hardballing is much better on a personal date, because we’re brusque, almost a little outrageously quick and clear. This can of course be better captured face-to-face with a smile or a phrase to reduce the tension that can easily hang in the air during hardballing. Online it feels more like a rough questionnaire. Who wants to do it if you don’t have a similar polarity?
Many often lack the courage to address these personal issues directly. Do you have any tips for the hardballing method?
Albert: First of all, you should always consider what type of people you have dated so far. If you tend to date more sensitive people or people with slight fear of attachment, then hardballing is the wrong address. It will scare them off no matter how good my points are. Otherwise: First try out one point and see how well you get on with it. For example: “If you’re looking for an open relationship or just Friendship Plus, I’m out.” The point is even attractive because I confidently stand by my values.