Failing their marriage, they seem to have succeeded in their separation. Since their divorce which dates back to 2018, Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck have still maintained very good relationships, particularly for the balance of their three children, Violet Anne (18 years old), Seraphina (15 years old) and Samuel (12 years old), whom the actress recently spoke during an interview for People. The two exes, who live close to each other, meet regularly with their offspring. In 2022, in the columns of VogueJennifer Lopez, Ben Affleck’s new wife, admits they are “amazing co-parents” : “They work very well together“, slips the singer. The two exes never miss an opportunity to sing their praises through the media, the actor not hesitating to recall how much Jennifer Garner is “the best mom in the world.”
As Michaël Larrar, psychiatrist for children, adolescents and adults, explains to us, it is important that parents, who no longer form a couple but are still linked by their children, respect each other. “It’s important not to sully the past, not to sully the other, to say: ‘we don’t get along anymore, we’re no longer lovers but your dad is a good dad, he’s a good man , your mother is a good mother, she is a good woman. She loves You. We must give them permission to be calm with everyone“The priority? The well-being of the child, of course.”If we want our children to be happy, they must feel that others always have an important and respected place. Otherwise, they may have the feeling that we regret absolutely everything and therefore their birth too.“, underlines the psychiatrist. Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck are not the only ones to prioritize their children to successfully complete their co-parenting.
>> PHOTOS – These couples who remain close after their separation
“Children are very sensitive to conflicts of loyalty”
Like the family founded by Demi Moore and Bruce Willis, it is important to always value your former partner. Separated since 2000, the actor suffering from dementia and his ex continue to support each other, in good times and bad. This is probably why they form such a close-knit clan today. “Children are very sensitive to so-called loyalty conflicts, that is, they want to be very loyal to their father and mother. They hate it and it distresses them when someone says bad things about one or the other, and so often when there are conflicts, they feel torn and they have difficulty talking to dad about what is happening at home. mom, for fear of saying something stupid that generates conflict, and vice versa“, recalls Michaël Larrar.
A pattern that we find in Valérie Bègue and Camille Lacourt, happy parents of an 11-year-old little girl, named Jazz. “I’m incredibly lucky, my daughter has an extraordinary dad, very present, who supports me 100%“, affirmed the former Miss France, in the pages of TV Starin 2019. Sometimes, despite all the good will in the world, shared custody can however become complicated due to the geographical distance that separates the parents…
Patrick Bruel, Alessandra Sublet… They prioritize their children despite the distance
By leaving France for the United States, Amanda Sthers is aware that her two sons, Oscar and Léon, born from her past love affair with Patrick Bruel, will see less of their father. However, this move to Los Angeles was decided by mutual agreement with her ex, assured the writer in Gala in 2017, specifying that it would not be “not party without his consent.”Due to the many kilometers that separate them, the two boys see”a little less their father.” “It will depend a lot on the possibilities of the parents. First of all, it must be very easy for children, especially young ones, to imagine. When am I at Dad’s? When am I at mom’s house? Because children can be anxious about not controlling time and not knowing when they will see each other again. We need to find a childcare system that is simple and identifiable.“, explains Michaël Larrar. The interpreter of Who has the right remains very involved in their education: “Patrick has a house here, not far from Pacific Palisades where we reside, and travels back and forth. He takes care of them a lot. He was always very involved in their education and, in that, there was no break.” says Amanda Sthers.
Alessandra Sublet also moves away from her children when she decides to move to the south of France. However, the mother of Charlie and Alphonse, born from her marriage to producer Clément Miserez, refuses to feel guilty: “When I decided to move to the South, some of my friends asked me: ‘But are you leaving your kids with their father?’ Unworthy mother limit” she says in the columns of the magazine SHE in 2021. And to continue: “I will live my life and the freedom to come every other week with them, knowing that they have the freedom to come whenever they want. But I need to have moments to myself“, justifies the one who considers that her departure “will not make them unhappy children.“
By prioritizing their children, the two exes managed to find the functioning that suits the whole family: “So we decided to put children at the center. They have kept their lives in Paris, it is the parents who work every other week. And I can guarantee you that they are happy. We are a separated family but surely healthier than many others who stay together“, explains Nicolas Canteloup’s former accomplice to JDD in 2022.”We must think about what is best for them, that is to say seeing both parents very regularly or ensuring that there is no too long break between visits to the same parent. So in any case there must be shared or extended custody.“, notes the psychiatrist.”It will depend a lot on the atmosphere between the parents and at home.“
Co-parenting, “personal work”
To best manage your co-parenting, it is therefore important to “keep to yourself the resentment you have towards the other“, affirms Michaël Larrar. It is no longer a question of the couple that we formed, but of the family. This is what Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin understood: “I know that sounds really weird to say, but he’s kind of like my brother now. It’s hard for people to understand, but I’m really committed to my family remaining, and I think we suffer a lot less because of it.“, explains the mother of Apple and Moses to our colleagues atEconomic Times last November.
The child, adolescent and adult psychiatrist confirms: “You have to succeed, on a personal level, in mourning the loss of the couple and keeping to yourself the resentment you have towards the other. If mourning is impossible for me and if I am too angry, there will obviously be consequences on the child’s psyche, because he will feel all that. So it’s primarily a personal job.“, he assures, before specifying: “We will have to accept compromises, keep conflicts as far away from children as possible and not question them too much about what is happening with dad or mom, with an intentionality which would be to check that it is happening. as I want” To the wise…
Photo credits: BEST IMAGE