Demisexual: How to tell if you are in the sexual gray area

demisexual-how-to-tell-if-you-are-in-the-sexual-gray-area

Hetero, bi, homo, a, metro, pan – have you probably heard everything in connection with sexuality? And demisexual? 

Some people prefer men, others women, and for others sex does not matter at all and some people never feel like having sex . In the meantime we all (hopefully) know that there is not one “right” or “normal” sexual orientation that applies to all people.

But many people do not know what demisexuality is – which probably means that a lot of people are demi without being aware of it. High time to finally talk more about the gray areas of sexuality , the so-called “gray-a”. Being unable to sexually identify yourself is a dangerously good breeding ground for insecurity and self-doubt … 

What does demisexual mean?

The term demisexuality refers to a form of sexuality in which people experience sexual pleasure and physical attraction exclusively in the context of an emotional bond. Meaning: no feeling, no sex – at least no lustful, fun and satisfying.

But not only that: Demisexuelle people have similar to asexuals no general interest in sex or sex partners. Find someone hot? Cyber ​​sex ? One Night Stands? For people who are demisexual, absolutely outrageous! Sleeping with someone, or just having necking, only comesto mind when they have a deep relationship with that person.

Why are people demisexual?

Counter question: Why are people hetero, homo or asexual? It is you ! As far as we know, no-one can easily choose who sexually sexes him and what makes him orgasm in bed (although, of course, if we have orgasmproblems, we can try a lot). 

At Demis, it is believed that the so-called primary sexual attraction, which has external characteristics such as appearance, smell, charisma and personality, does not affect us for whatever reason. However, they are as receptive to secondary attraction as everyone else . One speaks of it when – usually in the context of a romantic relationship – feelings such as trust, longing, respect, friendship or love cause sexual desire towards a very specific person.

In this respect, the sex life of Demis is outwardly barely different from the sex life of a person who, for example, on principle wants to sleep outside of relationships with anyone. But only externally … 

How do we recognize demisexuality?

As you may have guessed, we can not see demisexuality at first glance– nor does homosexuality, bisexuality, asexuality or any other sexual orientation. And that’s a good thing ! After all, the sexuality and sexual inclinations of other people basically do not matter to us – keyword private matter.

On the other hand, if it is about recognizing demisexuality in ourselves , an orientation guide would be quite nice. Because just like other people (often not heterosexual people in particular), demisexuals sometimes struggle to locate themselves in the broad spectrum of sexuality. Here are  five signs that may be evidence of demisexuality (emphasis is on!). 

5  signs that you are demisexual

1. If you fall in love, you want to get to know him better – but you do not think of sex and smooching for a long time.

Sure, to meet someone, fall in love, feel tingling in the stomach and wearing the pink glasses you know well. But ideas of you at Blümchensexor anticipation of the first kiss tongue ? Did you never have in the initial phase of a relationship! 

2. You do not understand flirting and even the thought of dating makes you nervous.

What do people just love to flirt with others or do  a list of superficial smalltalk topics on the blind date ? It never was your thing. It makes it all the more exciting for you when you realize in conversation, for example, that your partner understands you, feels the same as you or says words that really have a meaning. 

3. You are not sure if you are more into men or women.

Penis? Breasts? Hmm! By itself, you can not do much with either one or the other. But if there’s an emotional bond, you would not exclude anyone – neither man nor woman.

4. You’re reluctant to talk about sex because you feel like you have to pretend.

Most demisexuals have a hard time talking to friends or acquaintances about lust and sexuality. No wonder! When others swarm with hotter stars, you have nothing to report. People are just starting to do gymnastics when they touch you emotionally.  

5. You can not do much with porn.

You can laugh about funny porn titles until you can not breathe , but watching porn makes you more restless. Not because of any prude reservations, but simply because nothing stirs in you.