THE SEX ACCORDING TO MAÏA
What do men want – in bed? If you count on me to answer you, this Sunday is going to be terribly disappointing – which men? Yours, mine? Wouldn’t it be better to ask them individually? What are we going to do when the men answer that they really, in all honesty, in bed want pastries?
For women, it’s even more nebulous. So much so that the famous formula “what do women want?” Is now a joke … despite clearly harmful consequences. In 2019, a Ipsos study / Traumatic Memory thus showed that a quarter of French people think that in bed, women know less well what they want than men. The same goes for our neighbors: a investigation commissioned by Amnesty International has shown that one in five Belgians believe that women do not know what they want in the sexual area.
If these questions seem intractable, it is because sexually it is very difficult to know what we want. And for good reason: failing to grow up in bubbles, we learn the codes of sexuality (kissing, caressing, penetrating) before we can develop our own preferences. We familiarize ourselves with a roadmap, we more or less try to stick to it, and often the adventure ends there. Some will emancipate themselves from the codes. Others will follow them without asking any questions … even when the codes do not work.
Do you think I’m exaggerating? Listen to desperate women because they reach orgasm through their clitoris and not by simple vaginal penetration: their body is functional, it is statistically normal, the pleasure is there, and yet these women would prefer to enjoy ” properly “. Rather than adjust their expectations to their bodies, they try to adapt their bodies to social expectations (rarely a winning strategy). Men can be smart, but they are not left out. Especially when they ignore prostatic pleasure, to the detriment of their own sensations… once again to enjoy “as it should”.
The worst part is that most often, we are identifying even not the problem. In the comments of my columns in The world, I am regularly asked to leave the readers alone on the grounds that “in sexuality, we do what we want”. Sorry, but in sexuality, we do neither what we want nor even (most often) what we can. We do what society (which never leaves us alone – by the way, have you declared your taxes?) Taught us to do and what it allows us to do. This also applies to libertarian moaners who strangle themselves while reading this paragraph (take a glass of water).
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