Did you just get cheated on? Here are the 4 worst mistakes you can make, according to an expert

To be mislead by someone to whom one is deeply attached often leaves indelible scars. It’s an experience that shakes the very foundations of trust and security you’ve built with this person. Even worse, unfaithfulness can possibly lead those who are victims to completely question themselves and to doubt their ability to judge others and their intentions.

The immediate backlash is a crucial moment. And for good reason, it can influence how you heal from infidelity in the long term. If your pain and vulnerability are normal, they may prevent you from coping with this moment as best you can. To help you avoid making the situation worse or doing something in the heat of the moment that you might regret later, sex therapist Marty Klein revealed to Psychology Today THE 4 main mistakes not to make after being cheated on.

1. Make big decisions

After discovering a truth as shocking as this, it is common to make big decisions on a whim such as wanting to divorce, telling the children, contacting your partner’s lover or getting revenge by also cheating in return. .. However, this is not the best way to proceed. No one should make an important decision when they are truly upset.

After revealing an infidelity, emotions are naturally very, very strong. This does not, however, create an emergency situation requiring immediate decisions. If it’s not the right time to make important decisions, don’t do it.

2. Use the Internet to Find Support

Online, it’s not uncommon to find more stories of desperate or angry people than of perfectly happy people. However, when something bad happens to us, many of us do not want to feel alone and want to hear the stories of other people who are suffering (and the Internet is full of them). This is the case for infidelity.

Deception can be so destabilizing that the betrayed person often looks for an explanation to understand it (as if it were an illness). Websites or social media groups that discuss infidelity with lengthy rants about “deceivers,” “manipulators,” and “selfish” have a cathartic effect for victims. But it’s far from ideal. They discourage anyone who has been betrayed, regardless of the circumstances, from making things right with their partner.

3. Asking for too much information and details

The person being cheated on usually wants to know what the other person did: was it a romantic relationship or a series of one-night stands? Since when ? Or ? Did you stop or not? For what ?
While it’s normal to need this information to start evaluating the relationship and thinking about what you want, it’s not really helpful to know which massage parlors, which websites, what music, which restaurants and which lingerie, nor exactly how many times and in which positions.

Other than hurting yourself even more, there’s no point. Demanding such details is like wanting to know the color of the wrecked car everyone is looking at on the side of the highway. It’s a bit unhealthy.

4. Questioning your entire relationship

When you experience infidelity on the part of your partner, you can quickly question everything: his love for you, his honesty on all other subjects, etc. Once infidelity is revealed, there is indeed a powerful instinct to demonize the other: he is necessarily “a liar” from the start and his past behavior had in reality no benevolence or authenticity.

While it is easy and tempting, this demonization creates terrible and unnecessary suffering for the betrayed person. Instead of facing a complex situation where someone loves you and betrays you, you decide that you have never been loved, that you have been cheated on a million times and that nothing is as you thought. . It’s much sadder than the betrayal itself.

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Rights of women and children, violence, feminism, gender, discrimination, parenthood, education, psychology, health, couple, sexuality, social networks…. Joséphine loves deciphering all the social issues that drive our world…