DO NOT YELL AT ME!
Five tricks against the howler trap for impulsive moms
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Sometimes you just have to smack the offspring loudly. Because unfortunately nothing else comes to mind. Why we don’t have to be ashamed of it – and what we can do about it.
by Viola Kaiser
We’re all impulsive mothers here. We were just talking about the fact that we sometimes yell at our children, even though we always have a guilty conscience afterwards. Of course we know that this is probably not the most pedagogically valuable method of upbringing and that loud shouting at most demonstrates our maximum helplessness.
But then there are the days when it was incredibly exhausting in the office, the coffee tipped over twice, nobody at home really listens to you and the cute little ones are just getting drunk. The screaming is somehow liberating in about one percent of cases, mostly the anger stays with us. So here are a few really feasible tricks, so that next time we stay as mega relaxed as only Gandhi would have managed otherwise:
1. Find the real cause. Was it really the three-year-old who yelled “Sweets!!! I want sweets right now” like mad, even though she had already eaten half the Maoam factory? Or maybe frustration that came from somewhere else entirely. Of course, that doesn’t change anything at the moment of roaring, but in the long term it helps to clarify whether you’re having a particularly stressful time and, above all, why. Maybe the cause can then be eliminated, maybe it was just the lack of lunch that makes us so sensitive (see point 2). And if it was just a shitty day, then it’s still not right to freak out hysterically, but it’s understandable – and human and authentic. Please also read point 5.
Just beat the pillow!
2. take care of yourself. Have you eaten enough today? Have you ever taken a break? Were you in bed on time yesterday? There are so many components that can cause us to be thin-skinned. After all, life as a mother is not always just a pony farm. That’s why sometimes the smallest things help to make the nervous costume a little thicker. This includes eating regularly and going to the toilet. Wasn’t there time for that? Then priorities have to be shifted. There must always be time for some things!
3. Breathe. Sounds banal, but it helps. The moment you want to scream and step outside and take a quick, deep breath (or 50 if necessary) can really move mountains. Alternatively, in extreme cases, it also helps to really trample in the bathroom or beat a pillow in the bedroom. The main thing is to take a short break from the annoying situation, after that everything often looks different – and you can at least shout more quietly.
Never forget: you are only human!
4. do nice things! Rather hang out with the kids at home, watch a movie and eat popcorn when you realize that everything is just getting too much. Or choose other activities that, as a mother, you might like better than the XXL indoor playground that drives you crazy. It’s better to say “no” beforehand than just scream “NO” like a madman afterwards. The greatest entertainment and support program is of no use to anyone if everyone gets in a bad mood. Just let five be relaxed from time to time enormously. That might not win you the Soccer Mom of the Year award, but it does give you a little peace of mind.
5. Don’t be so strict with yourself! Sometimes you have to scream, by the way. For example, when the child wants to run into the street. Any experienced educator will confirm that since the sound makes the music, soft and sensitive “Please don’t run onto the street” when the SUV comes thundering at 120 km/h is definitely not the right strategy. Even if you’ve made a huge mistake in tone: you’re only human! Children are generous, they forget something like that again. Especially if you sincerely apologize. Tomorrow there will be more laughter than screaming anyway, so you have to forgive yourself for something. You’re bound to be a great mom, even if you yell a little.