psychology
10 signs that you can use to identify emotional blackmail
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Emotional blackmail means manipulating someone with the help of feelings. You can find out here how you can recognize it and free yourself from it.
In parent-child relationships, between siblings, among friends or in a partnership – emotional blackmail can occur in virtually any human relationship, even in the workplace. Is involved often not even aware that they are in such a situation, neither blackmailers: inside nor blackmailed, and that is exactly what makes emotional blackmail so dangerous: in the long term, the manipulation of feelings damages both the relationships and the psychological and physical condition of those affected, sometimes to a devastating extent. From dissatisfaction and constant arguing to relationship anxiety and loneliness to depression, eating disorders and thoughts of suicide – emotional blackmail can put a strain on the entire lives of those involved.
How the blackmail works with the feelings exactly, how you recognize them and how you can free yourself from them, we clarify now.
Emotional blackmail: this is how psychological manipulation works
Blackmailers: there is always something in hand against their victims that gives them power and control over them. In the case of emotional blackmail, those are feelings, especially negative emotions that the blackmailed person wants to avoid or get rid of. Typical variants of emotional blackmail are:
- Persuade you to feel guilty: “Because of you I have renounced so many things …”, “You make me very sick with your behavior.”
- Make unfair allegations: “You always only think of yourself – what about my needs?”
- Threats: “If you leave me, I’ll kill myself.”, “If you go now, you never have to come back.”
- Issue ultimatums: “Would you really love me, then …”
- Maintain obligations: “Does that mean for you, to be there for someone?”
- Draw comparisons: “Others can do it too.”
Admittedly, sooner or later most people encounter a lot of this in their everyday relationships. A conflict, overflowing emotions, and the accusation slipped out. In a relationship on an equal footing, the partners then deal with it openly and communicativelyand fight back, e.g. B. “You are primarily responsible for your needs, but if you also need my help, I am happy to be there for you as far as I can”. Victims of emotional blackmail do and cannot, however. They feel so guilty or so afraid that they fulfill the (mostly unspoken and merely implicit) “demands” of their blackmailer.
Emotional blackmail: 10 signs that you can recognize it by
Recognizing emotional blackmail and distinguishing it from ordinary conflicts and quarrels is not always easy for blackmailers or those who have been blackmailed. In order to perceive them, one must – logically – be sensitive and listen carefully to oneself in order to understand one’s own feelings and to be able to confidently assess the relationship in question. You should always pay attention to the following signals.
6 typical signs that you are being emotionally blackmailed:
- You feel stressed and pressured in the relationship
- You are afraid of making decisions that (could) affect the relationship
- You feel like you are not doing the other person justice
- You feel trapped and unfree in your relationship
- You often have feelings of guilt or a guilty conscience towards your: r partner: in / possible blackmailers: in relation to them
- You are constantly wondering how your behavior is received by your: r partner: in / possible blackmailer: in and how he or she evaluates your actions and your efforts
4 signs that you are emotionally blackmailing someone:
- You feel like you are giving more than you are getting
- You feel wrong and badly treated
- You are very afraid of being abandoned
- You think that you really deserve someone better
Emotional blackmail: 5 tips on how to break free
To emphasize this again very clearly: In the long run, both blackmailers and blackmailers suffer from emotional blackmail. Therefore, it is in the interests of both parties to break the vicious circle and to establish a balance of power in the relationship. Depending on how long the state of emotional blackmail has lasted and how firmly anchored the respective behavioral patterns are, it can be very difficult to save the relationship without professional help. That means: When in doubt, couples therapy is the best option! In addition or in advance, you can also try the following measures.
1. Boost self-confidence
Emotional blackmail is as good as always the result of a lack of self-esteem and impaired self-esteem – on both sides! Therefore, a first step must be taken against it: Strengthening self-confidence. (And how you can also strengthen your self-esteem and learn to love yourself, we’ll tell you in the respective articles)
2. Giving feedback (learning …)
Correct feedback is always based on a description of one’s own perception – and in some cases even emotional blackmail can completely take the wind out of the sails. A comparison of the participants’ perceptions combined with an honest exchange of feelings and consequences of the respective behavior can work wonders in many situations, even with emotional blackmail.
3. Set limits
It may help to define certain limits that you generally do not want to cross for anyone. For example, “I don’t neglect my mother for anyone” or “I don’t give anyone so much that I can no longer and hate my life”. Formulating such things clearly for you makes it easier for you to recognize situations in which someone is trying to force you beyond your limits. And maybe you’ll be able to say no …
4. Establish rules
When you sit down together and together clear rules for your relationship you can hold onto it in difficult situations and also check your perception using the rules. Of course, this only makes sense if they are fair and equally entitle and hold you both accountable.
5. Distancing
Unless nothing works and feelings of fear, anxiety, or lack of affection predominate, you should admit to yourself that the relationship is over and that going separate ways (if possible!) Is best. Sure, this can be very difficult if, for example, the blackmailer threatens to harm himself, but in the end you will only harm both of you if you stay in the toxic relationship.