Her life was quite unstable for a while: lots of jobs, lots of moves. But Laura Binder, 26, actually felt good. But again and again her menstrual period stopped – without any findings.
There are better things in life than bleeding once a month. Still, I get jealous when I hear women complain about it. My days are sometimes off for three months. Sometimes I have them for three weeks at a time. When my period didn't come for the first time, I had just stopped taking the pill ten years later. My body just needs time to get used to the hormone withdrawal, said my gynecologist. At the same time, my studies ended. I developed from a student with a reasonably regular routine to one who didn't know what was in two weeks.
No menstrual period due to stress
I worked here and there or not at all. I moved from Hamburg to Berlin and after three months back again. For a while, I commuted to the capital every day for a job. I worked as a freelancer, as a part-time salesperson for a fashion chain, then I was self-employed again. No day was like the other. Sometimes I got up at 5 a.m., sometimes at 3 p.m. I felt young and free. And somehow crappy. I only realized how much stress I had with this lifestyle when I was crying on my gynecologist's couch. "What about me?" I asked.
For two years my period has been going crazy. My doctor no longer had a clear explanation either. Even though I was using a new contraceptive, I often peed on pregnancy tests. I wanted to be able to rule out at least one thing myself. But it only increased the fear. Do i have cancer? Can i never have children? There are innumerable diseases that can cause you to miss your menstrual period. My overweight or cysts were discussed. I was examined for growths on my uterus. Sticky ovaries. A tumor. Then my doctors agreed: It's my head. Better said the stress. "Your life without a regular routine doesn't make it easy for your body," said my gynecologist.
My lifestyle had broken my biorhythm. My body rebelled against the stress. And the unrest intensified when my days didn’t hit the spot again. This answer could not have been more unsatisfactory. Something "solid" like a cyst, for example, can be removed. I would like something that is obviously there. I don't see any "emotional stress" – and often only feel it later. "I just want everything to go back to normal," I said to my third doctor. He recommended that I find an outlet to reduce stress, to find my "inner center" and to listen to my body.
Take time out and find inner balance
Doing sports, relaxation rituals, established hobbies. "But you mustn't tense up on it. If you force relaxation, it won't get any better," he warned. I felt even worse. The diagnosis was nine months ago. I have a job again that gives me structure. My new everyday life is good for me, I try to consciously take time out. Sometimes I just lie on the couch in the evening and stare out the window instead of doing something supposedly "meaningful".
I bought a rubber dinghy and go out on the Alster with friends and a bottle of wine. I'm reading more instead of watching TV. After work, I put my cell phone away and cook. And my body is doing better. You see, it's psychological, I tell myself. But sometimes there is still a subliminal fear in me that it is something else.
Laura Binder is currently doing her journalistic training at the Henri Nannen School. And thinks that it is on the right track if it is not thrown off track by a move or a pandemic.
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