You haven't found the person with whom you wanted to work in the long term? Things can always change! For a change, try the Envision method.
We all have at least a vague idea of what the person we would share our lives with should be like. Sensitive, relaxed, clever, funny, soulful, reliable, ideally we also find it externally attractive – almost anyone can rattle off such a list of properties.
Most of the time, this ideal is mainly shaped by our experiences in the past – for example through ex-partners or the relationship of our parents – and by our acute needs in the present. But when we approach the search for a long-term partner like this, one important element is still missing: the future. After all, we want someone who not only suits us now, but who will also suit us for many years to come becomes. And in order to meet this wish, couples therapist Kira Asatryan recommends an exciting but promising method in the "Psychologytoday" portal: Envisioning aka daydreaming.
Who are you tomorrow
Daydreaming is about letting our thoughts wander – away from the present moment and our current to-dos to wherever we like. If we want to use this impressive ability to recognize which characteristics our dream prince should have, the therapist surprisingly advises that we should ourselves imagine how we want to be in two, five or even ten years.
"We seldom place ourselves in the focus of our considerations when we think about possible future relationships," writes the expert. "We assume that we will be the same in the future as we are today. But the truth is that we will change, and if we want to be with someone for a long time, this change will take place in the course of the partnership. "
It is important that in the thought experiment we imagine the personality development that we want for ourselves: Would we like to be more relaxed in two years than today? Should our future self be able to say no and be more honest with others? Or maybe we want to become more willing to take risks and break out of our comfort zone more often?
Whatever it is that we hope for in the future, it would be good to take it into account when looking for someone to be by our side. After all, this person should not stand in our way, but ideally encourage us to develop further or offer us the support and security that we need for this.
And even if the method does not help us to achieve our perfect match in the end: After all, it gives us a better understanding and awareness of ourselves again