What Eric Stehfest has learned about himself in the documentary series “Eric against Stehfest: In Therapy”, he tells in an interview.
The twelve-part documentary series “Eric against Stehfest: In Therapy” (from May 3rd on TVNow, four new episodes per week) accompanies actor and author Eric Stehfest (31) during psychotherapy. The father of two wants to find out who he is and where he is going. In an interview with the news agency spot on news, the former “GZSZ” actor, who had to struggle with drug addiction for years, explains why he wanted to do the therapy in front of the cameras and how he overcame his toxic masculinity. In addition, Stehfest reveals why he wants to work as an actor again and what is important to him in his family life today.
When was the time when you realized that therapy could help you?
Eric Stehfest: During my acting studies, I was in closed long-term therapy for a year because of my addiction to crystal meth at the time. This was the basis for completing my Master of Arts. However, this therapy did not address trauma that I experienced. At the time, the therapist advised me to treat the abuse I experienced as a child in further psychotherapy. While I was writing our book “Rebellen Lieben Laut” with my wife Edith, I realized that I had to free myself and face all issues of my past.
Why did you decide to have the therapy monitored by cameras?
Steadfast: Basically, I’ve been accompanied by the camera or by spectators looking at a stage since I was a child. It is part of my life to make the private public. In this respect, the step was not so absurd. But what gave me the idea of the format was the fact that in recent years I have worked with many young people who had or are addicts as part of a project café. Have experienced the abuses and are aware of suicidal thoughts. What I experienced over and over again was how fearful they were of psychotherapy. Because of my addiction, I had previously been in therapy for almost a year. I know how much this step can do. That’s why I would like to promote it to a certain extent.
Was it weird to have the cameras around and discuss such personal issues?
Steadfast: In the beginning, yes. Because not only did Livia, the therapist, listen, but also the film team. When I realized that nobody was condemning me, but that it was very much appreciated that I was giving other people the chance to deal with their own story, the cameras gave me a certain framework – namely the security, the therapy not prematurely quit because it becomes too painful.
During the therapy, you will work on your testosterone dependence, among other things. How did you get into that?
Steadfast: I’ve been unhappy with my body since I was a teenager. Too thin, not enough muscles, I saw the aftermath of years of drug use. This was followed by a role as a detective superintendent and I finally wanted to conform to my ideal image. As a German actor, like in Hollywood, it is atypical to prepare for a role with testosterone and personal training.
In this context you also speak of toxic masculinity. How would you describe it?
Steadfast: I used to always put myself above my wife and sentences like “I’ll bring the money home, I go to work, you don’t” were the order of the day. At the time, I didn’t even understand that we had been working as a team for a long time. When work and family life overwhelmed me, I would often yell around and be unable to feel the level of love I feel today. That was an extreme burden for us. I couldn’t love Edith holistically.
During therapy, you ask yourself the questions “What kind of man am I? Who do I want to be? And who don’t?” Have you found the answers?
Standing firm: I am an actor and would also like to work as an actor again. Because without this work I take too many roles into my reality. I’ve made peace with my manhood. I don’t want to be someone who uses physical or psychological violence to override the boundaries of others. I am a man who stands by his wife, with everything she brings. I love the spectacle, the surreal and thinking about self-optimization and immortality. I want to be the best in what I do and explore the world with my strength. But I also love the small, quiet moments in reality. I allow myself to feel everything.
The process of raping your wife is also dealt with in the therapy. How does the process affect you today?
Standing firm: Edith and I couldn’t close it, because the perpetrator has appealed and my wife has to testify again in the fall, this time before the regional court. In court we learned that the perpetrator was convicted not only of rape but also of possessing and distributing child pornography. There is no excuse on this subject in my eyes and it is a huge burden to have this subject in our lives any longer. That is why we will team up with Carsten Stahl. In recent years, Mr. Stahl has dealt intensively with the topic of abuse and violence against children and has made it into politics. Together with him we will try to win this process.
In your family life with your wife and two children, what is important to you today?
Standing firm: joie de vivre. To keep reminding me that we live in the here and now and that we deserve to be happy. I don’t want to miss mine or my children’s lives because my thoughts have only lived in the past or in the future. For a wonderful moment it often doesn’t take more than a keen eye for what I already have.
What do you want to give your children along the way?
Stand firm: I believe in my children and tell them that too. I tell them I love them and if I did something wrong I apologize. I am actively working on not screaming, hopefully not to break anything in their young souls. I’m not doing everything right. I am not doing anything wrong. I allow myself to reinvent myself every day. Life can sometimes be quiet and seemingly boring. In the same way, intoxication and adventure should not be missing for a fulfilled life. No matter what problem my children have with themselves or with me, we will solve it. Together. I endure the truths of my children. I love my children very much. Reality is just as beautiful as your own imagination. I would like to show that to my children.