Even fathers have to learn to do without

Ahen the “new fathers” were invented about 15 years ago, magazines and newspapers gave them a lot of space. These bearded yet sensitive, strong yet empathetic, hip yet loving men in their thirties were something of the children of a revolution. An important step in this development, a legal blueprint of the utopia so to speak, was the parental allowance, proclaimed by Renate Schmidt and carried out by Ursula von der Leyen, i.e. the former family ministers of the SPD and CDU. The two had ensured that since 2007, after the birth of a child, an income-related social transfer is paid for up to 14 months if both partners take time off.

Of course, before the “new” ones, there were already “old fathers” who shared family chores with their partners. Those who put aside so that they could advance professionally and who mastered a wide repertoire of parenting tasks, from changing diapers to mashing parsnips. But at eleven in the morning on the playground, one rarely met these predecessors. Even if the proportion of fathers with more than two months of parental allowance was initially low, more and more soon experienced this part of family work. The series of pictures in magazines gave the impression that this was about a generational experience. Baby swimming lessons as the subject of pub talks, Internet forums on the best way to get around with babies. Yes, there was something new about that.

Nothing is new or revolutionary here

And of course the bookstore shelves were full of self-experience reports from the “new fathers”. As if they had crossed the Sahara by bicycle or watched the last specimen of the legendary glasshead fish while diving. What was rarely mentioned: that although parental allowance (when used correctly) could bring more justice to a partnership, it also meant a redistribution from bottom to top, namely that low-income earners cannot afford all the nice parental allowance trips of the upper middle class because it is paid based on income. The fact that it cost a lot of tax money for a trend that was already latent in society was only mentioned in passing. And: that the real proof that more equal relationships in the job market would lead to more equal careers has not yet been provided.

The children of the first “new fathers” are now freeing themselves from their dependency on their parents: a good moment for a contrite, somewhat hungover concession that family work is far from being divided up in such a “new” and “revolutionary” way. Why are there still so few men switching to part-time jobs? Why do mothers accumulate much more mental load than their partners? How intensively do fathers reflect on their roles when they return to everyday work after having children? In order to achieve equality – and that means equal opportunities for responsibility in politics, business and health care, a division of care work that is perceived as fair, a reduction in privileges and discrimination – it takes more than reasonably smoothly running months after the birth, the made parental allowance easier. It’s about everyday life – in the kitchen as well as in the office.

“Women should no longer be the victims”

Two journalists have now devoted themselves to these ongoing contradictions. “Fathers can do that too!” by Fabian Soethof and “We bad good fathers” by Tobias Moorstedt already make it clear in their titles that these are not naive reports of the first year with a child, as was common a good ten years ago, but about self-critical navel-gazing, to what extent “new fathers” have really brought innovation. “Women should no longer be the victims. For this, men also have to think about and reconsider their parenthood,” writes Soethof, who works for the “Musikexpress” and is a well-known figure in the debate about compatibility. In order for equality to progress, there needs to be a private, social and political – and one is inclined to add: business management – change in family, work, compatibility and role models.