Experiment: Porn games on the computer | Barbara.de

If there is Generation Nintendo – I am one of them. I was about to get engaged to Super Mario, then I left him for Link, the limp hero from The Legend of Zelda, and since then I’ve played through just about every point-and-click adventure compatible with my machine. So I’m mainstream, about half of the gaming community is female.

A friend asks me if I’ve ever heard of porn games. No, but can that be fun? Curious, I land on the American platform PornGamesHub. Around 2,500 games are offered there for free in almost 80 “adults only” categories. Without real people, but in the style of cartoons, manga, animation – including such well-known worlds as “The Simpsons”. Watching naked Marge from behind and her giant yellow butt in action, I quickly click on. What do you think the original Simpsons have to say about this?

A note to advertisers at the bottom of the page, the platform provides user data: 97 percent male, 60 percent of them between 18 and 34 years old. I am definitely neither, I lack tail control. Nevertheless, I decide for “University of Problems”: I have no choice in the character, I’m a lanky baby-faced avatar. I call him Horst. Horst is looking forward to college, because there are all anatomically absurd girls with melon breasts, apple asses, banana lips. All the characters have their mouths open all the time and look like they are secretly smoking kibble. Horst has to make himself popular. Horst can check and see messages on his mobile phone, recognizable by an icon at the top left of the screen, with whom he has earned love and relationship points and whether his skills in the categories strength, intelligence, lust and playing basketball have increased. So Horst often sits around in the typical hunchback position and stares at his device. Is that boring?

Leave the door open when showering?

Next task for Horst: Prepare for your date! I lost track of who with. In any case, Horst has to take a shower and put on a fresh T-shirt. The game asks me if I want to leave the door open while showering, and sends a student over because she’s in the mood for a blowjob and Horst practically puts her head over her head: “Mmmh slurp slurp” – I have to laugh. Also about the subtitle of the next scene: “Suddenly there was a serious but painful silence. Horst didn’t dare to move the slightest bit, while Nathalie stared thoughtfully out of the window.”

After an hour I’ve had enough with horny Horst. Get stuck on another game for a moment, in which a green octopus wants to please a woman in a white rubber suit with its tentacles. Do people find that sexy? So I’m weird at best. But maybe sex games shouldn’t be that demanding, when things are going well, the blood isn’t in the brain.

Let’s continue with: “Cockham Superheroes”. The main character has a Schwarzenegger’s body with a child’s face and a giant rod, which is wrapped in a Superman-printed jockstrap. Cool. I’m guaranteed to win every cock contest with it. The potent boy is received in Cockham City by Captain Milf. She busts Captain Marvel’s costume with breasts the size of medicine balls. Black Widow, Wonder Woman, Cat Woman and Powergirl are there too, just pumped up in two dimensions. I’m assigned to find the Prince Albert Cockring of Lust. Shouldn’t it be called Prince Andrew? Anyway, first I have to go to the photo studio for the “Superhero Horse Treats Limited Edition Calendar Shooting”. The horny photographer squeals, “That’s the biggest monster teenage love muscle I’ve ever seen,” before shoving the thing all the way down her throat. So. Then I think the game has hung because the bubble piece jerks monotonously. Oh… that’s how it’s supposed to be. I have the hanger now, my play instinct has fallen asleep.

A modern phenomenon?

I ask myself and then at “Games”, the association of the German games industry, how big the market for virtual sex games is, how it is developing, how much Corona has to do with it. The spokesman is very nice but doesn’t really know what kind of games I’m talking about. After I enlightened him, he sees no responsibility. Too bad.

In the next few days, I will therefore continue to be concerned with the question of what kind of sexuality – let’s call it neutral: artistic beings – are aimed at. Is this a modern phenomenon? Have people ever dreamed of a threesome with Mona Lisa and Michelangelo before? I can’t find anything about that, but I came across the expression “digisexual” on the Internet, which means the outsourcing of sexual identity to the digital and technical, to Internet sites, sex robots and holograms. In any case, the phenomenon is a clear trend, according to various studies. Makes sense: always available and also safe in times of a pandemic.

Then I discover that many of the fighting and action games that are popular with men, such as “World of Warcraft”, “Fortnite” or “Assassin’s Creed”, have porn variants. Shooting and banging – popular combination, the main thing is to bang away.

Parody Games

Parody Games is the name given to the genre into which – attention: puns – “World of Whorecraft”, “Fucknite” and “Assassin’s Seed” fall. Graphics, setting and characters are pretty much identical to the original, the story has changed slightly, as one homepage reveals: “In ‘World of Whorecraft’ the orcs have made humans their sex slaves. The men are used for breeding, the women as submissive toys for the sex-mad orcs. You are a male rebel in human form who must save humanity. During your journey you must breed and slaughter the orcs. The desperate sex slaves will reward you with anything you want once you’re freed.” Are there really guys sitting in front of the screen with their hand on the stick and shooting themselves from one climax to the next? What a crazy Pimmelfahrt squad.

I vacillate between the states “superbly repelled” and “extremely tired”. First I should enter my gender, it’s only male or female, well, those were the days. I tap on “female” and confirm that I am of legal age. Then I should choose whether I want to play in erotic, hardcore or extreme mode. I take erotica because I seriously wonder if they are even familiar with the term. “The game is very addictive and you get to see a lot of brutal scenes. Can you handle it?” Let’s see. The questioning with the characters from “World of Warcraft” in brutal sex poses is underlined with images, a grotesque trench warfare against unwilling females. Don’t feel like it anymore. But should choose my first sex partner. All women and therefore outside of my core competence. I choose Vicky, a one-eyed amazon with a bazooka. The monitor tells me that I can have sex with all characters for free but need VIP status if I want to fuck other players. Noted, continue. Now I’m supposed to enter my credit card details. No thank you. Cancellation. I briefly check out a few other parody games and then let’s get out of these martial male fantasies of violence, power and misogyny. The only stimulus that is triggered in me is the urge to vomit. I’m really looking forward to the game over.

All these sex games were not a pleasure, but a waste of time at best. I’m in dire need of some distraction from the sexism stuff. Maybe I’ll meet up with Super Mario again. At least he just wants to play.

barbara