Fat and in a relationship, a situation still frowned upon by society

In the collective imagination, a fat woman with a thinner man is anything but love. But why is the featherweight still too valued by society?

Although a few models today have access to the catwalk like Paloma Elsesser, stereotypes have a hard time disappearing. One only has to look at the “weight loss” and “bikini body” articles which abound on the Internet during the summer season to realize that society still values ​​the diktat of thinness. If the movement of the body positivism has taken place for a few years in our societies, why grossophobia, and in this case within the couple, is it still in 2021?

A real question that deserves a decryption by an expert. Solenn Carof, sociologist and author of Grossophobia: Sociology of invisible discrimination, explains to World that the grossophobia “Affects women more” And this, “For reasons related to aesthetic and bodily standards much more restrictive for the latter”.

Weight in relation to female beauty

This discrimination is easily seen by the rate of individuals opting for bariatric operations in order to lose weight. Among them, “More than 80% are women” according to the sociologist, “While they are not more obese on average than men”.

“If you weigh heavier than your boyfriend, you are too fat”, recalled Megan Jayne Crabbe, formerly anorexic, in an Instagram post in 2017. Fighting for the movement body positive, the Instagram star evoked the injunction to thinness.

Stereotypes also play in the perception of oneself and of one’s partner. According to an Ifop * survey published in 2019, there are physical complexes within the couple. Women tend to belittle their physique compared to their companion. France would be at the top of the list, since 29% of French women surveyed find their spouse more beautiful than them. This is more than the average established for all the countries studied, amounting to 24%. The figures are all the more alarming when these women do not consider themselves pretty. They are 57% to overvalue their partner compared to their own image.

When the judgment of others impacts the intimacy of fat women

When mockery and other discrimination follow one another against fat people, the latter see their self-esteem erased. Eugenie, a young woman who considers herself morbid obesity, testified to Slate and explains having “The conviction that obese people have no right to desire and sex and even less to love”. She adds “Being extremely self-conscious about her stomach, which makes an absolutely disgusting apron”. However, Eugenie knows that her friends adore her. Lovers have always said to her that they love her body and other men have also told her that she is beautiful and desirable.

Also, as the Ifop survey indicates, dominant morphological stereotypes make women suffer, who do not correspond to it, on the sexual level. Indeed, they are affected by a greater lack of attention from their spouse. According to the figures, “In France, the proportion of women believing that their partner is not attentive to the fact that they have an orgasm is the highest: 24%, against 18% on average in the countries studied”.

According to Ifop, this phenomenon is due to stereotypes about women with “Lower than average physical / aesthetic capital”. As if their spouse believed that the risks of break-ups were lower, thinking that they had “Lower ‘value’ in the marriage market”. The need to provide pleasure would then be less.

In addition, there is still a great deal of work to be done to break down the stereotypes about fat people.

* Ifop study for Naturavox carried out by self-administered online questionnaire from April 11 to 15, 2019 with a sample of 5,026 women, representative of the female population aged 18 and over living in Italy, Spain and France, in Germany and the United Kingdom.

Lea Lecuyer

With Léa, curiosity is no longer a bad thing. Lifestyle journalist, she always has good advice to boost your well-being and keeps you informed of all the characteristics of your sign …