According to psychologists
5 signs you’re afraid of intimacy
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Conversations never go further than small talk with you? Do you not dare to open up in relationships? Maybe you’re afraid of intimacy.
Intimacy isn’t just between lovers. Intimacy can exist between family, friends and partners and yet the fear of it is not uncommon. Maybe you are affected too and don’t even know it. Because this fear is well camouflaged. For example through self-sabotage or emotional closure. It’s nothing to be ashamed ofbecause basically we can’t do anything about it.
These are the main types of intimacy
- Physical Intimacy: Cuddling, sex and sexual contacts
- Emotional Intimacy: Share your feelings and build a personal bond
- Cognitive intimacy: Exchange of ideas and opinions
- Experiential Intimacy: Doing activities and spending time with someone
Where does the fear of intimacy come from?
Like so many other fears, the fear of intimacy stems from a negative childhood experience. This is mostly related to the feeling of rejection. Speaking to The Relationship Suite, psychotherapist Stephen Hirsch said: “Whether it’s an abusive parent, an alcoholic parent, a divorce or whatever, there’s something that happens in a person’s early life that makes them insecure about showing vulnerability and reaching out to someone tie.”
There are also individuals who are afraid of physical intimacy but not of emotional intimacy. This is often the case with victims of sexual assault. But the fears of intimacy could also stem from something less serious. Something we sometimes haven’t even noticed. For example, when the parents are more concerned about their own mental health, stress, or long working hours than the child’s needs.
When a child feels that their caregivers cannot or will not meet their needs, they may feel insecure about themselves—as if something is wrong with them. In the future, this could lead to him not opening up to others because he fears additional rejection.
5 signs of fear of intimacy
- Serial appointments: You regularly go on first, second, or even third dates, but are unable to go beyond that initial stage—even when you really want to.
- Avoiding meaningful conversations: You fill your schedule mostly with work or other social commitments, so you don’t have time for in-depth conversations or regular contact. This is necessary in order to move on to a more intimate stage.
- Loss of Attraction: After a few weeks or months you lose physical interest in your partner. This can be a physical reaction to fear of intimacy or rejection.
- self-sabotage: You subconsciously sabotage the relationship out of fear of rejection. This can include abruptly ending a healthy relationship.
- Inability to express yourself emotionally: When the opportunity arises to open up emotionally, you withdraw from the conversation for fear of showing vulnerability.
How can I overcome my fear of intimacy?
Fear of intimacy is common and nothing to be ashamed of. Intimacy begins with being able to see ourselves. So we have to become more familiar with our own emotions and allow them. Only then can we open ourselves to others and be recognized and valued by them for what we are. If you find yourself in one or more of the above points, in everyday life you can pay attention to when you are ready to engage in intimacy and when you turn away. Afterwards, it helps to discuss these situations.
If you wish, your anxiety can also be treated with individual, group or couple therapy. There you will learn to deal with your past, to identify the causes and a compassionate relationship with your psyche to develop.
The most important thing, however, is that you never ashamed of your fears, but make you more familiar with them. If we don’t fight them, but begin to explore and accept them, one day they will disappear.
Sources used: relationshipsuite.com, insider.com