Fear of rejection
Why do I feel rejected so quickly?
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The fear of rejection is embedded in every person. It can rob us of important opportunities and friendships. How to keep your fear of rejection at bay.
Do you also really want to belong and connect with others? Especially with people you care about? Feeling rejected by these people and believing that you are not wanted – whether it is for a job, a date or a friendship – is not a pleasant experience. But not all experiences in life can turn out the way you hope. If you consider that… Rejection is a normal part of life – something that everyone faces at some point – this can take your fear away.
Fear of rejection – not uncommon
People who Fear of rejection are afraid of not being liked, of being abandoned, of not belonging, or of being alone. If you’re afraid of rejection, you may have one low self-esteem, lack of self-confidence, shame or feelings of guilt to fight. You may spend a lot of time and energy worrying about what others think of you. In doing so, you neglect your own needs or even allow others to take advantage of you – just to be liked. But that is over now! This is how you conquer your fear of rejection.
Why am I afraid of rejection?
To solve the problem, you must first… Caused be named. Why do you feel rejected so quickly? The fear of rejection is one widespread fear. It is even a normal part of being human. Our ancestors depended on being accepted into the group in order to survive. That’s why parts of the human brain, including the amygdala, can perceive rejection as life-threatening. Common fears related to rejection, such as fear of public speaking, may be normal. But they can become a problem when they start to negatively impact your life and get in the way of pursuing opportunities. Other personal causes at a glance:
- Social fears can be related to fear of rejection due to fear of doing or saying something embarrassing, of not being liked, or of not connecting with others.
- Also other psychological problems can cause fear of rejection. One Obsessive Compulsive Disorder For example, it can lead to rumination and obsessive thinking about whether someone is liked or accepted by their lovers, friends, or colleagues.
- It is known that one Post-traumatic stress disorder not only triggers a fight or flight response, but also the so-called “fawn” response, which is related to the fear of rejection. This refers to a desperate attempt to smooth things over and please others in order to avoid conflict or rejection.
- Maybe you have Fear of romantic rejection, because you don’t want to feel lonely. When you recognize this, you can prioritize developing strong friendships that protect you from loneliness. You can read more here: Find friends.
- Maybe you’re afraid of it being rejected by potential employers, because you feel financially insecure and don’t have a plan B. It may be helpful to consider a few possible strategies if you don’t find the job you want right away.
Signs of fear of rejection
- You always want please other people
- You’re having trouble No accept
- You work more than you should
- You’re taking on too much Responsibility
- You hide your true thoughts/feelings from others
- You stay in unhealthy relationships
- You experience Codependency in a relationship
- You take one bad treatment by others just like that
How fear of rejection affects your behavior
- Lack of authenticity: Many people who fear rejection develop a carefully monitored and fixed way of life. They live behind a mask for fear of being rejected if they reveal their true selves. This can cause them to appear fake and inauthentic to others and unwilling to face life’s challenges.
- Human kindness: Although it’s natural to want to take care of those we love, those who fear rejection often go too far. They may find it impossible to say “no” even when saying “yes” causes great inconvenience or difficulty in their own lives (People Pleaser). In extreme cases, people pleasing leads to supporting the bad behavior of others.
- Passivity: People who are afraid of rejection often avoid confrontations. They may refuse to ask for what they want or stand up for what they need. A common tendency is to simply try to hide one’s own needs or to pretend that they are not important. Fear of rejection can then prevent you from reaching your potential.
- Passive-aggressive behavior: Since you are uncomfortable showing your true self but are unable to completely ignore your own needs, you end up behaving passive-aggressively. You may procrastinate, “forget” to keep promises, complain, and work inefficiently on the projects you take on.
Fear of rejection at work
Fear of rejection can cost you a lot in your professional career. For example this Missing out on good opportunitiesnot asking for raises, discussing necessary changes to work tasks, or remaining in your current position out of fear.
Fear of rejection in relationships
Fear of rejection in romantic relationships can lead to you not showing interest in the first place or not sharing your feelings with a potential partner. Maybe you will too jealous, insecure or needy. You may also push people away before they approach you to avoid fear of rejection.
Fear of rejection in creativity
Fear of rejection can stifle creativity. You may be hesitating to try something new or to explore a creative activity. Maybe you avoid sharing your work with anyone or asking for the help you need.
Fear of rejection in friendships
It can be difficult to make new friends. Fear of rejection can prevent people from coming out, meeting new people, and socializing. Making new friends requires a certain level of vulnerability. People who fear rejection avoid these situations to protect themselves, but it ultimately leaves them isolated and lonely.
Overcome fear of rejection
- Accept your feelings
No one can tell you how you feel except yourself. Before you can address your feelings around rejection, it’s important to acknowledge them. If you tell yourself that you don’t mind being hurt when in reality you do, you won’t have the opportunity to face that fear and manage it productively. - Positive self-talk
Positive self-talk can actually reprogram the neural pathways in the brain so that you go through life more positively. Not only can they improve your mood, but they can also boost your confidence. Try affirmations like “I am enough” or “I can do difficult things.” - Don’t define yourself by rejection
There are so many things that make a person unique and special. Each person has their own gifts. Fear of rejection is only a small part – not the whole person. Just because the fear is there doesn’t mean you have to listen to it or make it a part of your identity. - Practice self-compassion
Self-compassion means treating yourself as you would a close friend. Remember that people who fear rejection live with anxiety, uncertainty, and fear every day. Place your hands on your heart and send yourself some compassion for all that you have been through and overcome. - Let go of guilt
Feeling guilty about the past can make you feel bad and afraid of rejection or abandonment by others. Making amends where necessary and letting go of guilt can be a great relief to you. - Self-care
Self-care is crucial if you want to build self-confidence, feel confident, and be less anxious. It’s hard to stand up for yourself when you don’t treat yourself well. By prioritizing self-care, you show yourself that you matter. - Breathe
Research shows that fear of rejection can increase stress in the body, including the stress hormone cortisol. Try taking several long breaths to reduce the stress response. - Do sports
Exercise has been proven to reduce stress, increase endorphin release and improve self-esteem. All of these benefits can help reduce fear of rejection and increase self-confidence. - Not all people focus on you
Many people enter a room and immediately feel self-conscious or embarrassed – do you? Do you feel like everyone is staring at you? In reality, people probably aren’t thinking about what you look like or what you say, but rather what other people think of themselves.
Can therapy help with fear of rejection?
Therapy can help you overcome this fear and develop more self-confidence. Any underlying issues such as social anxiety, OCD, PTSD or ADHD can be treated here and self-confidence and self-esteem can also be strengthened. Don’t hesitate to seek professional help if you notice that your self-healing powers are reaching their limits.
Sources used:
- Mark R. Leary: “Emotional responses to interpersonal rejection“, ncbi.nlm.nih.gov, 2015
- Kirsten Weir: “The pain of social rejection“, apa.org, 2012
- Voncken, MJ, Alden, LE, Bögels, SM, & Roelofs, J.: “Social rejection in social anxiety disorder: The role of performance deficits, evoked negative emotions and dissimilarity“, British Journal of Clinical Psychology, 2008