female household
Without fathers what is missing?
© georgerudy / Adobe Stock
Is something missing without a father? Verena Carl is in one female household grew up and thinks: Nothing prepares better for a self-determined life.
When I was eleven or twelve, I stumbled across the term “custody” and wanted to know from my mother what it was and why it was needed. I marveled at her explanation: Really, fathers who have a say? “Yes, for example which school a child goes to or which riding school.” My father didn’t even know the name of my favorite teacher. Or my favorite horse. In general, communication was a thing during our rare meetings. He spoke a mixture of Bavarian and Tyrolean, which I often couldn’t make out. “But that doesn’t apply to us,” my mother reassured me, “because I have sole custody.” phew Just went well.
That might sound sad to former daddy-girl ears, but it’s just a tiny bit at most. First, you only miss what you know. And what had happened between my parents had already evaporated when I was the size of a jelly bean. Secondly, my envy of other children was also limited. Their fathers were physically present, at least for the main meals. But their contribution to family happiness seemed manageable to me. at best.
At worst, they struck me as high-maintenance pets that were better avoided. My best friend’s father only emerged from his study when he wanted to complain about his three daughters: too loud, too dirty, for something. I, on the other hand, experienced two women, my mother and my grandmother, who went about their lives undisturbed: earning money, cooking, planning holidays, settling disputes. What they couldn’t do was fix bikes and change drill attachments. But they knew who to ask.
Difficulties in relationship life?
My mother was still worried, especially that I might have a hard time with the men later. A father with whom you dutifully trot to the fun pool every few months at most, is suboptimal as a relationship role model. Nevertheless, I understood the concept of “infatuation” intuitively, at the latest when the beautiful Christoph Wegmann sat diagonally in front of me in the second class. Other things remained a mystery to me throughout my life.
When we were 15, my girlfriend wanted someone to tell her “where to go”. Why, I thought irritated, I have my own city map (Google Maps hadn’t been invented yet). When I was in my early 30s, I saw female colleagues cut ties with cool artist types, arguing that unfortunately they couldn’t support a family. I soon got pregnant by a creative who made less than me and wasn’t as good at driving and parking. However, the fact that he could use a drill and mend a bicycle suited me very well. Since then we have shared custody, mental load and feelings: He’s the guy who cries with emotion, I can also be strict and demanding with our children when it has to be. So mom, you can stop worrying.
My life otherwise? When I chose my career as a journalist, my father would not have made a particularly good sparring partner anyway, he knew mainly engineers. I have had many nice colleagues over the past two decades, and almost all of my colleagues and bosses have supported and inspired me. Coincidence? I tend to think women who don’t wait for a man’s support or even permission are attracted to each other. Because they don’t have the princess role in their repertoire any more than I do. If there’s a gap in my life, it’s made me the woman I am. And I like being that. Thank you, Dad.
Verena Carlinherited two things from her father: a talent for speaking quickly and a naturally long-lasting blonde