testimonial
New person through self-care? Try two: generosity
© Yuricazac / Shutterstock
The theme is: be generous. I should try to do good. Privately supporting people who need me, giving money to the homeless, giving away things. And I should ask myself every day: What am I grateful for?
When Hollywood calls and is looking for a woman who has become a new person through self-care – BRIGITTE author Verena Carl would certainly not be. Nevertheless, she tried it and her extensive self-experiment of different self-care methods changed something in her life. You can read background information about her project here in her experience report on meditation – and you can find out what the generosity experiment brought her here.
Second try: be generous
That sounds paradoxical at first: giving as self-care. But anyone who understands why giving presents makes at least as happy as receiving presents understands what that is supposed to mean. The brain’s reward center becomes equally active no matter which side you’re on.
“I’ll be with myself then: 12 breaks for the soul” (259 p., 19 euros, Beltz)
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And yet I had a slight stomach ache with this exercise. On the one hand, because I sometimes have the feeling of being surrounded by bottomless pits: If I hand money to a homeless person or an overworked and underpaid parcel delivery person – shouldn’t I actually do that every time? Why be generous here, not there? More than ever I feel my powerlessness in the face of misery and social division. Societal contradictions that I can’t resolve. On the other hand, stinginess is not exactly a typical problem for women, in most cases it is rather too much willingness to make sacrifices that stands in our way. Especially in private, as mothers, daughters, colleagues.
Even if this month has brought a lot of good things for others and also a lot of good feelings for me – I gave away children’s toys to a family of refugees, made my family happy with spontaneous gifts and often made myself aware of how good life is actually to me – , I wasn’t really convinced.
That’s what science says
In “Positive Psychology”, a school of thought founded by the American psychologist Martin Seligman, giving is a central building block in order to feel part of a community, to be more confident and to strengthen one’s own self-efficacy – without completely exhausting oneself .
Conclusion
Paradoxically, it can help to offer others support, especially in phases in which we have the impression that we are not getting enough. It is important to still respect your own limits.
This is how this dossier came about – Verena Carl & Anne Otto The two authors (Verena, left, and Anne) have been writing regularly for BRIGITTE for years. This dossier and, above all, a whole book emerged from her one-year self-experiment: a mixture of an entertaining field report and non-fiction book with lots of tips and suggestions for reflection. © Silje Paul Photography/PR