Horror struck again in Conflans-Sainte-Honorine. How to approach the delicate subject of attacks and gratuitous violence with children? If parents tend to avoid the subject in order to better protect them, there comes a time when we can no longer shy away from this truth. How to explain unexplainable events clearly, fairly but without being anxious?
Stéphanie Fourneraut *, a child psychologist, gives us her advice to inform our children while protecting them.
Overwhelmed with images
Yesterday, a teacher was found beheaded in the middle of the street in Conflans-Saint-Honorine (Yvelines) near his college. A particularly shocking attack for children. More and more often, children have cartoons of tears, screams and panic.
S. Fourneraut specifies "It is important to remember that pay attention to images that can be very traumatic for children, it is useless to show them to the little ones. Avoid watching the newspaper over and over in their presence, not having sufficiently established time benchmarks they may think that events always take place.
The impact of these images that amaze us is much greater for children. We must explain to them that it is better that they do not see them, that they might have nightmares, and that we will talk to them about it and explain it to them.
For the older ones, from 8 years old, it is necessary to be next to them and explain to them what he sees, and talk to them about it. "
Of course, there was no question of pretending nothing had happened. It is important to talk to children. To explain to them. Adapt your speech according to the age of the children and their comprehension abilities. They will live a minute of silence at school on Monday, it is as well that you explained to them before what they are going to live and the why of this moment.
"We must indeed talk about these tragic events to children and explain to them why we are upset.
It is important to use simple words adapted to the age of the child. A 4/5 year old child will not understand what a terrorist is. You have to stay at the child's height avoiding anxiety-provoking details.
Events should also be located in space and time, if needed show a map and specify if it is far or near the house, it is also necessary that explain that it's over. "
Be present, reassure, explain
Start with try to find out what they know about events to complete, support and possibly refute certain misunderstandings or rumors that they might have heard at school or read on social networks.
"For the older ones, it is important to know what they heard in the playground through friends. There are a lot of rumors going around, like "terrorists are coming to our neighborhood". It is necessary to explain things well and especially the fact of don't believe everything, and check with adults to see if what you have heard is true.
For teens, they have access to the internet, see and read a lot of things, we have to talk about what happened, but also make them express their feelings, their fears. They are aware of the seriousness of the facts and can very quickly feel anxious at the idea of going out alone in the street, of having to take public transport to go to college or high school. It is important to reassure them, to talk about it with them and toexplain that their fear is legitimate. "
The important thing is above all to stay tuned. To know how to hear and answer questions. To reassure him, to tell him that all the police are there to protect him and protect all the French.
Do not forget to talk to him about mutual aid, signs of sympathy from each other, outbursts of solidarity. If we are going through difficult times, it is important to make them understand that all is not dark and that in the face of horror, people band together and show their best side to counter the absurdity. Be generous in kisses and hugs, your children will only feel more loved, surrounded, protected.
"Do not hesitate to say that we too feel apprehensive but that life goes on, that we cannot stop living, it is also important to send them a message of hope.
Dialogue, listening, comfort and attentiveness are essential to help our children to go through these overwhelming moments. It is necessary to take the time to sit down with our children, to listen to them, to surround them and to discuss these dramatic moments. "
Be careful, however, of nightmares that could arise. Stay alert to changes in your child (sleep, appetite, behavior) which could be symptomatic of the onset of anxiety and which would require outside help.
What if they don't ask a question?
If they don't ask a question, explain the main points to them, but no need to drown them in anxiety-provoking details. Tell them that if they have any questions later, they can come and talk to you about them and that you will always try to answer them as best you can.
Some aids offered during dramatic events
Following the November 2015 attacks in Paris, Astrapi offered a downloadable document to help you talk about the attacks to your children.
Le Petit Quotidien answers the most frequent questions asked by children
In April 2015, an attack led by the Islamic State targeted Tunisia. Le Petit JT, the newspaper for 10-15 year olds on LCI, explained to them what Daech is:
Thanks to Stéphanie Fourneraut
* Clinical psychologist for children she receives in her office in the 14th arrondissement of Paris.
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