customer service? In times of chatbots, frequently asked questions and contact forms, this is often a nuisance. Companies don’t like to talk to us. We would have so much to say.
All the things you could do instead of being on hold at a call center. For example, go on vacation.
The abbreviation “WTF” not only stands for the common expletive “What the fuck!”, but also for the less well-known “Weighted total futility” index, the index of collected futility, as the “Economist” recently reported: American researchers have determined how much time office workers waste with useless stuff at work. The most important results:
- Fix typos: 20 minutes a day / 180 days in a 45 year career.
- Typing, typing wrong, correcting (if you remember the correct one) and resetting (if you forgot) passwords: 145 days.
- Waiting for something to happen and staring at the screen until then: also 145 days.
- Delete emails: 6 weeks.
The British magazine’s contribution was satire. The quoted “study” of the so-called “Maryland and Delaware Enterprise University Partnership” (Madeup) was itself “made up” – invented. However, many media fell for so did the Spanish daily newspaper “El País”, which promptly reported on the WTF list. Who can blame the journalists? Because if we’re being honest, we deal with pointless stuff every day. Not only at work, but also privately. Or for private matters that we take care of in the office when there is nothing useful to do at work.
The area with perhaps the highest value on the WTF scale: the so-called customer service.
Everything was easier in the service desert
Let’s remember: In theory, customer service means “the support and advice that a company offers to people who buy or use its products or services”. That’s it a clear definition of the term on the internet.
In practice, however, this often results in preventing customer contact. Instead of a service desert, we have long been living in a jungle with chatbots, voice computers, Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ) lists, contact forms, social media and maybe somewhere, hidden far down on the homepage of the company that you would like to contact would, a good old phone number.
It was easier in the service desert. It was true that we were running dry, but at least that was the end of the case. Today’s multi-channel online service center, on the other hand, suggests diversity, but always leads to new sub-pages and detours – so that the customer’s concerns will hopefully fizzle out at some point.
What we could do if we didn’t have to constantly check the FAQ on any website!
And what about Rarely Asked Questions?
The idea behind it is clear: Hundreds of customers used to call the switchboard every day, all with the same questions. Badly paid and therefore often bad-tempered employees always had to give the same answers. At some point, highly paid consultants from a consulting company decided: totally unproductive, far too expensive. That’s why all contact seekers now get the complete information menu to click on. Should they help themselves? From the point of view of the company, this is a great idea.
Unfortunately, as a customer, you are always one of those who have RAQ: Rarely Asked Questions. Spanish airline Vueling, for example, gave credit linked to the original booking code for canceled flights during the pandemic. But what if a customer can no longer find this code? It can happen – but not with the “Flight credit” menu item. Here the service phrase is: «Were the results helpful to you? – Yes No.”
Maybe in the near future someone can invent screen interfaces that measure different click strengths. In moments like this, you want to hit the no field with the force of a sledgehammer!
Instead, you have to read sentences like this: “Help us to improve.” Sure, you’re not helping me, but I’ll help you, you think. So you type in what you couldn’t click on before – “Booking code lost” – and then get in touch with customer service. ‘You have an urgent question? Contact us!”, is written on the screen. But the link leads neither to a telephone number nor to a contact form, but back to the main menu.
This time, a window pops up with a chatbot that you can ask questions. Like in a Whatsapp chat. Artificial intelligence instead of bad-tempered service staff. Hello progress!
Chatbots and their human helpers
The problem with these bots: They are a great rationalization measure, work around the clock and are free of charge – but they are extremely stubborn. And they only help with problems with the complexity of a crispbread.
The bot asks: «What is the booking code?» One answers: «Booking code not available.» The bot writes: «Sorry, wrong format. For example, the booking code must be XV5K8S.» You write back: “No code – what to do?” Bot: “Invalid format.” Customer: «WTF.» Bot: “Invalid format.”
At least some companies seem to have recognized the problem. At the fashion company Zara, customers first deal with the virtual assistant, but then a real employee quickly joins them. According to surveys, people like it. Even privately, phoning is no longer the trend; it’s better to type speech bubbles ten times.
But what about the customers who have a rare concern, maybe even a real problem? Who really can’t help but call? the talk need with a real man?
They are at the very bottom of the companies. Because they cost the most time – i.e. money. As a punishment, these customers have to bring extra time themselves. Have you ever tried to find a phone number on Amazon, Instagram or Booking.com? Or go to Google to ask how the hell can you recover your Gmail account if you don’t have the password or the phone number on it? Dot-com-era companies seem to think that pre-digital communications are hopelessly old-fashioned. Or they stick with Shakespeare: “Lend your ear to everyone, but your voice to a few.”
At the other extreme are offices that come from the Stone Age and therefore sometimes even print telephone numbers on letters with the appropriate extension. But they can only be reached so briefly during the day that you are guaranteed to miss these time windows.
“Please hold the line”
And the digital companies that at least pretend that you can actually talk to them?
If you try very hard, you will eventually find a number on some websites (for a friendly CHF 1.99 per minute) – which of course does not mean that you can get through there. Telephone providers in particular are notorious for their long queues. Tinkering in the background, bad quality on the line, “Please stay on the line”. Well, it’s your own fault if you actually try it on the phone.
Some mobile phone companies, but also banks, electricity and gas providers now rely on voice computers. They can drive you insane with their hearing loss. People around you always look a bit strange when you see numbers, names, concerns, “Yes!”, “No!”, “Nooooo!” barks into the receiver. It can easily take 15 minutes until you finally get a real, human voice on the line (by the way, this value is missing in the WTF index).
But those who have persevered for so long sometimes experience fantastic things: employees who listen patiently because they are used to being teased day in and day out for things they cannot do anything about, because a company has screwed them up, and often not even that operates in the same country as their call center. Some of whom are even extremely competent because the less well-off colleagues may have all been demoted to chatbot assistants.
Above all, they are incredibly friendly because the conversation is recorded to improve the quality of service and they are constantly rated by their superiors on a scale of 1 to 10 – no pressure here. Or just like that. With the “Economist”, for example, in the middle of a conversation with the reader service, subscribers may be asked what kind of day they have had so far: “And how was your day so far?”
Afterwards you sometimes feel so relieved and satisfied as if you had just achieved the impossible. In a way, yes. You got through. Thank you for the conversation.