Aging has a bad reputation in our society. How can we break through this narrative?
We live in a society in which the indisputable fact that the human body ages is not exactly looked upon with benevolence. That our skin slacks over the years, our hair turns grey, our joints stiffen. That with advancing age changes take place in us – our body, but also our psyche – which we can only prevent to a limited extent.
These changes, like aging itself, generally tend to have a negative connotationas a study on behalf of the Federal Anti-Discrimination Agency makes it clear: According to this, younger people in the population often see older people and aging in general rather negatively. “Being old” is equated with dissatisfaction and depression – but that’s not true at all!
Happiness research is devoted, among other things, to the question of what age people are particularly happy at – and no, it’s not the 20s or 30s. One study came to the conclusion that we are happiest between the ages of 65 and 79 and that we get another “happiness boost” around the age of 70. Of course, contentment and happiness do not come by themselves. It is up to us to question entrenched (social) ideas about aging and, ideally, to break them. But what is the best way to do this?
Age is also a matter of mindset
Man is a creature of habit – unfortunately this also applies to many ways of thinking, through which we sometimes limit ourselves. For example, if you think “I can’t build a closet anyway”, you stop yourself in the research and learning process. In her book Mindset: The New Psychology of Success, psychologist Carol Dweck describes how fixed mindsets keep us trapped in black-and-white stereotypes: In it there is only success or failure, talent or none – and nothing in between.
This is contrasted with the “growth mindset”, which is the more adaptable way of solving problems and learning. Those who approach challenges with this mindset will even recognize failure as part of the path to change – and ultimately to success. Harvard professor Dr. Ellen Langer has long researched cultural and individual ways of thinking about disease, biology, psychological well-being—and aging. Her research shows that the stories we tell ourselves have a huge impact on what we do.
In an experiment in 1981, the scientist transported eight men in their 70s back to 1959 by converting a monastery in such a way that the test subjects felt as if they had traveled back in time: furniture, decoration, news, music, television , films – all objects and references came from that time. There was no mirror, only photos of the men in their 20’s. The results were exceptional: The participants were more agile and dexterous than a control group, which was intended only to reminisce without decorations. Even her eyesight and hearing improved. In view of the seemingly miraculous results, the researcher decided not to publish the study for the time being. It was only years later that the investigations were brought to the public and Dr. Long known for her research.
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How we can age positively
So it’s time to break the narrative of the depressed, sick old person – The first thing to do here is that each individual deals with their own thought patterns and working to develop a “growth mindset”. A few possible ways to get there would be:
curiosity
“What would be a different perspective on it?”, “How does it work?”, “What else could I try?”, “Who else could I be?” – sometimes asking yourself questions like these is enough to stay flexible and adaptable. The world is changing and so can we. For example, one can deal with the social image of the weakened old lady with a cane and ask oneself: “What can I do now to be better in the future? What kind of exercise can I do to strengthen my body?”
Nothing is set in stone, nothing has to stay the way it is “because it has always been that way”: We can be much more flexible and adaptable in our thinking and being than we ourselves – and also the society around us – sometimes allow us to be want to make believe.
Build a connection to your body
In an interview with “Woman’s World”, therapist Robyn Maltz advises feeling comfortable with your own body when it comes to aging: “It’s not just limited to what you see in the mirror. It also means how you feel in your skin. How much energy you have throughout the day, how comfortable you feel walking around.” According to the therapist, it is important not to engage in negative self-talk. Ignoring the inner voice that tells you that you can’t do certain things that you shouldn’t allow yourself at your age.
Developing a skill like self-love, a positive voice that speaks out against the noise of societal norms and limitations, is not easy. But like physical exercise, being positive about yourself is a matter of practice that takes a lot of patience — and lots of repetition.
Create a new narrative
People tell stories, and so in the end the narrative of the old, weak woman who cannot move, who is unhappy and lonely, is nothing more than that: a story. Of course, no one is immune to aging, losing close people, and harboring negative thoughts.
But this development is not set in stone. We have control over the narrative, but above all over our life, what we make of it and how we shape it. And that of course also in old age.
Sources used: huffpost.com, womansworld.com, who.int, ons.gov.uk, antidiscrimination agency.de, nytimes.com