Ghostdating: Professional flirters unpack – this is how your dating rate increases

Ghostdater unpacks
Follow three rules and your dating class will skyrocket

by Susanne Schumann

01/28/2021, 12:00 a.m.

It is well known that anything can happen to you when it comes to dating, especially online. Catfishing, romance scamming, ghosting, benching, breadcrumbing, curving, mobbing, dick pics, cyber sex – have we forgotten something? Oh yes, theoretically you can also fall in love. Love + Internet = (unlimited possibilities x loads of surprises) ². You don't even have to be good at math to come up with this formula.

A literally hidden variable in the equation is also people like Markus Dobler. The Ingolstadt man is a ghostdater. Yes, that means he is dating online on behalf of others.

From log-in to chat: ghost dating in an all-inclusive package

"Traditionally, I had mostly male customers who find it difficult to approach women and who simply have no success with data," reveals Dobler, "but recently, especially since last year, more and more women have been getting me involved." Above all, more mature ladies over the age of 50 are increasingly hiring the dating assistant through his agency "weedate" in order to find their way into the confusing world of online dating. Services that you then book from him, among other things: Advice on the different portals, selection of the right platform for the respective customer, creation of the profile and – if desired – chat.

"Many of my customers would like me to take over the contact and the first meeting for them," says Dobler, "but of course I always try to pull myself out of the number as quickly as possible." After three to four messages have been exchanged, the ghostdater usually suggests a conversation on the phone and hands over the helm to his client.

But what, in his experience, are the decisive tricks to make online dating even that far?

Ghostdater reveals his three most important tips

1. The photo: distrust your own perception

"Everything stands and falls in online dating with the profile photo," says the dating pro. In the beginning, he has to recommend to almost every one of his protégés that they seek out a professional photographer or seek someone from their circle of friends who is good at taking pictures. "It just makes a huge difference whether I take a high-quality picture with nice lighting conditions or any selfie with my finger on the lens." Dobler's exclusive additional tip on the subject of photography: When choosing, consult another person and not rely too much on your own perception. We often see ourselves very differently than others do and sometimes apply completely strange standards to ourselves.

2. The first contact: go all out

Dobler's second advice is aimed primarily at us women: "Don't be afraid to take the initiative and just write to people if you notice them." After all, we have nothing to lose, especially at the beginning, and most (men) are happy and flattered when you approach them. For the first contact, the Ghostdater always uses the same pattern: "Hi! Dating-Portal XY means we are a match / have so and so many match points. Would you like us to get to know each other and have a look? what's that about? " (If you are written to like this, you can answer the next time: "Markus ?!" …)

3. The chat: ask, ask, ask

Once we have succeeded, there is only the greatest challenge waiting for us: keeping the chat running and getting it into a river. That, in turn, is very easy if we follow Dobler's third advice: ask questions. "What I always ask is something like 'What field are you a journalist in?' or 'What do you do as a carpenter?'. The other person can tell right away that I have dealt with his profile and show interest in his life. " If you can't do anything with the explanation or the job title, according to Dobler, there's nothing wrong with asking. "Anyone who is piqued about such a demand is probably not the right person anyway," says Dobler, "it is very clear that nobody can be familiar with everything."

Contract without guarantee

Of course, the Ghostdater cannot guarantee that customers will find love online with its help. A few people contacted him afterwards, some even sent him cards with couple photos for Christmas and thanked him. But in general, the Liebesbote is more like a driving instructor: He does not know how many accidents his students have or how many kilometers they cover each year. Dobler shows his customers how online dating works, makes them more or less mobile and ideally gives them the courage to try it alone. And even if it doesn't result in romance – it's worth a lot.