Grandparents, here are your 5 most common mistakes to correct, according to therapists

The relationship between parents and grandparents can sometimes be a source of conflict, here are 5 most common mistakes to correct, according to therapists.

Enjoying your grandchildren without having to sacrifice your precious nights of sleep… The status of grandparents can sometimes seem easier to take on from the parents’ point of view. However, he participates in the education of children or young adults and can be a source of tension within the family. Here are 5 common mistakes grandparents make and expert tips for correcting them.

Shower them with gifts

The tendency of certain grandparents, anxious to spoil their grandchildren, to offer gifts spontaneously and in some cases inappropriately can be poorly received by parents. “Sometimes grandparents can get into trouble because they buy things for their grandchildren that their parents don’t approve of, that are too expensive or too excessive.”explains Christopher Hansen, licensed advisor in San Antonio, in the columns of our colleagues at HuffPost.

A good way to avoid this type of situation is to discuss any purchases or plans to purchase with parents in advance, according to the expert. For their part, parents can also discuss it with the child beforehand in order to set certain rules. For example : “Grandma is taking you to the zoo. You can look in the gift shop at the end of the tour and pick out a little thing that she will buy for you.”. A way to clarify everyone’s expectations and prove to the parent that their authority is respected, which helps establish a bond of trust.

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Not taking into account the parents’ schedule

While this obviously comes from a good feeling, dropping by unexpectedly to see your grandchildren is one of the common mistakes made by grandparents that should be corrected according to experts. That “sends the message that your comfort is a priority, even if it disrupts the functioning of the family unit. It is particularly difficult at dinner time, homework or bedtime”, says Robin Kay Stilwell, a licensed marriage and family therapist. Parents’ sometimes tight schedules should also be taken into account.

Criticize parental education

It’s difficult for grandparents to resist the urge to comment on their children’s education method. A behavior that should, however, be proscribed according to experts in order to respect their authority. “Grandparents often have a different approach to parenting, which may be contrary to the way children raise their grandchildren. This approach may also be different from the way they raised their adult children. Parents and grandparents can judge and criticize each other’s style. This can create a gap in the relationship with the grandchildren. continues Robin Kay Stilwell Stilwell.

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Circumvent parental authority

By not taking into account the rules and limits set by parents, grandparents risk ruining the trust granted by their parents, which can harm family balance. “If adult children feel like their parental ‘rules’ or schedules are being ignored or undermined, this can spill over into other aspects of the relationship, including their trust.”believes Ms. Stilwell.

Being recalcitrant

Whatever the problem encountered between parents and grandparents, communication should be maintained at all costs. Demonstrating your ability to want to understand problems and your willingness to seek solutions is essential. “A sincere apology is a great place to start.”, underlines the one who is also a grandmother. And to conclude: “Making amends to your grandchildren or children is not a sign of weakness and demonstrates to both parties that even grandparents make mistakes and are human.”

A journalist passionate about social issues and current affairs, Hugo puts his pen at the service of information. Interested in all themes, from the impact of artificial intelligence on…

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