Without grandparents, Germany would have a problem. Because more and more mothers go back to work after their baby break, but crèches and after-school care places are rare and often unaffordable, Germany's grandmas and grandpas come to the rescue.
According to the magazine GEO (02/2009), one third of all children under six are looked after by their grandparents once a week. Grandmas and grandpas between the ages of 55 and 69 take care of their grandchildren an average of 47 hours a month, especially in families where both parents work or the mothers are single parents.
Grandparents are good for grandchildren
Grandparents can pamper their grandchildren!
The relationship between grandparents and grandchildren is always special. Children learn a lot about their roots from grandma and grandpa – and that their apparently perfect parents sometimes broke a vase of flowers when they were little. Children who are regularly looked after by grandparents have a more extensive vocabulary. Better school grades and good social behavior are also attributed to grandma's care. Most of the time, grandparents are less strict with their grandchildren than parents. You do not have to raise the children and are allowed to spoil them. Nevertheless, grandma and grandpa should coordinate with the parents on basic parenting issues and, for example, not park the child for hours in front of the TV or give so many gummy bears that the child has a stomachache all night. Otherwise, it's no drama if the grandparents' rules are not one hundred percent identical to those of the parents. Even very young children can understand that grandma's rules are different from those at home.
Tip: Parental leave for grandparents. Since January 2009, grandparents have also been entitled to parental leave if their children were minors or had a child during school or training. You can then apply to your employer for "grandparent leave".
Education then and now
Between the cane upbringing of the great-grandparents and the anti-authority views of the 68 generation, educators and parents today go the middle ground of an upbringing that sets clear boundaries for children, but takes their needs seriously.
That has changed when it comes to parenting issues:
- Only from two years on to the potty Nowadays, children are put on the potty at the earliest from the age of two because they are then physically able to control their sphincters. It is therefore pointless to start toilet training beforehand.
- It is also possible with the left A left-handed person is no longer re-educated to be a right-handed person. In left-handers, the right hemisphere controls the dominant hand, in right-handers it is the left hemisphere. Attempting to re-educate children from left to right therefore only creates confusion in the brain. Concentration, reading and writing difficulties can be the result.
- Children don't have to give grandma a kiss If a child turns away when you want to kiss or stroke them – don't be offended! Everyone has a different need for closeness and tenderness. If a child sets clear limits with a "No", these should not be exceeded. Children feel respected and prefer to come and cuddle on their own.
- Don't let babies cry A crying baby doesn't want to annoy anyone and won't be spoiled too much if you kid him. You can start raising a child at the earliest from the first birthday. It is important to meet your needs beforehand. Whether it is crying because it is hungry, bored, tired or in need of a fresh diaper – if someone reacts quickly to their crying, it strengthens baby's confidence in the world.
- Don't reward children with sweets If the children had a choice between chocolate or nice words, they would clearly opt for sweets. However, by rewarding them with sweets, children are educated so that they will soon demand a gummy bear for every little thing. A healthy amount of praise is important. Children also enjoy recognition that cannot be eaten.
That stayed the same:
- Courtesy is never out of fashion It is no longer the case that people are not allowed to talk at the table or that the "beautiful hand" has to be given, but polite behavior is still an important educational goal today. Parents and grandparents are role models for this. The earlier you demonstrate polite behavior to children, the more reliably you will get a request and thank you in return.
- Children love rituals Children feel more secure when something is done regularly. So they will later like to remember the lullaby that grandma always sang to them or the delicious semolina dumpling soup that grandma made every Friday.
- Help in the household Even if a lot goes wrong at the beginning and everything takes a little longer, you can let children help with the household from an early age. It makes them proud when you trust them and their self-confidence grows. For example, children from three years of age can set the table, four-year-olds can cut soft fruit for the fruit salad and by the age of five they can vacuum.
This article originally appeared on Eltern.de.