It’s been a long time since you dated someone who really blew your socks off? And that even though he:she was actually your type? Could be a typical case of “groundhogging”.
Having butterflies in your stomach again, being happy with someone and starting the summer together – is that what you want right now? But not with just anyone – he:she should correspond to a certain type. But even then it somehow doesn’t work? Hmm. Maybe that’s exactly the problem? What we don’t admit to ourselves may be the very reason why relationships keep failing: This particular type, our type, just isn’t right for us. What may be consoling is that you are not alone. It affects so many that this phenomenon has a name: groundhogging.
Typical case of groundhogging
Groundhogging comes from the English word “groundhog” and means marmot. It is based on the classic film “Groundhog Day” from the 90s. The protagonist relives Groundhog Day over and over again until he realizes that he has to change his attitude to life in order to escape the repetition. In the USA, this day is celebrated on February 2nd every year. So it’s about routines that can be counterproductive and prevent us from being open to new things. Applied to dating, it means always concentrating on a certain type, but still expecting a different result every time.
We all know it
Tall, blonde, sporty, smart, not so stuffy and humorous: let’s be honest, on Tinder we only swipe to the right on people who we find attractive at first glance and who match our type. But if, despite all the good conditions, a partnership somehow doesn’t work out, that might be exactly what gives us something to think about. But it’s not that easy either: dating someone who isn’t actually our type and maybe doesn’t even share the same interests could really backfire.
The problem with groundhogging, however, is that we fixate on appearances or personality traits that block our view of everything else that could be waiting for us.
External appearance as an exclusion criterion
At the beginning of 2022, the Dutch dating app Inner Circle conducted a survey among its users. A total of 1,001 users between the ages of 18 and 60 from Great Britain took part. According to the app provider, the results showed one thing above all: when dating, people looking for a partner often decide on a certain look or personality type. 30 percent of those surveyed preferred people with brown hair, 16 percent preferred blondes and six percent preferred red-haired people. For people who are interested in dating men, height also plays a role. Minimum 1.80m, nothing works below that.
The situation is similar with the personality types: 43 percent find it important that the person they are talking to has something on their mind, followed by the humorous type (16 percent), the banker (15 percent) and the sporty type (13 percent).
Meeting the same type over and over again doesn’t make finding a partner any easier, on the contrary: if we don’t recognize groundhogging for ourselves, we quickly end up in a kind of endless dating loop. We sabotage ourselves and deny ourselves the chance to meet someone we could really be happy with. However, most singles are aware that groundhogging limits their chances of finding a suitable partner. At least 70 percent of the participants said they would be open to going out with people who do not match their desired type in the coming year.
Are you a groundhogger?
As always in life: In order for us to change something, we first have to recognize what we are actually doing and what patterns we are stuck in. So we’ll see whether we’re “groundhogging” when we look at our last relationships and how they ended. Why have previous relationships ended unhappy? How similar are the partners from the past? What also helps: ask friends. Our loved ones see many things much more clearly than we do.
Are you still hogging or are you already leaving? Get out of the vicious circle
To break out of this vicious circle, we can question our own demands. How important is it to us that he or she looks exactly like we imagine someone to be? How important are certain interests to us? How flexible are we with our goals in life? Where can we compromise?
Broadening your horizons when it comes to dating can also help. You might get to know someone in a different way than before. Maybe, for example, dating portals are an interesting option, a new hobby, traveling or something similar.
It’s still important not to force anything – breaking the circle of groundhogging just means being open to new things that we wouldn’t otherwise expect, and also keeping our eyes open for options that might appeal to us at first glance wouldn’t respond.
Sources: beüßonline.de, welt.de, instagram/Innercircle