Until the majority of her son, Laure lived a waking nightmare because of her ex. Harassed, followed and even visited at her home, the man she had loved exceeded all limits.
Anorexia nervosa, sleepless nights … Laure *, 46, has lived through many years of anguish. The cause ? His ex, Philippe *, and his endless harassment. Our interlocutor took a long time before being able to testify about these dark years. A blockage had set in. "You lose your memory, in fact. And the memories become selective.", explains Laure. Even today, the evocation of this past gives him a cold sweat.
When the stalker makes believe that we are crazy
Everything had started peacefully. A youthful encounter, when she was 16 and he was 18. A relationship is born around their common passion: motorcycles. But very quickly, he makes her understand that he is the man and she the woman, therefore "inferior" to him. He rides his motorbike, for example, without even asking her permission. At the time, Laure does not see the problem. For her, he is her savior, because her family life is complicated. "I trusted him 100%. He was the voice of reason in my life", says Laure. But month after month, her companion keeps her away from his friends in order to have total control over her. At 19, Laure fell pregnant, which was not expected. Philippe asks her to have an abortion. “He said, 'It's the child or me.' It was extremely hard for me, but I chose my child. As soon as I knew I was pregnant, I knew I was loved him, this little one. Philippe therefore left ", she says. But the hold, this emotional dependence created by his ex, has led him to go home many times.
He kept telling me that I was crazy. And that I had to be careful not to become like my father, violent. Over time, I wonder where the love was in there.
One day, he kidnaps Laure, who was then living with her mother, to put her up in a small apartment. "Even in my last months of pregnancy, I must have been his bobonne. Cook him food, do what he asked me to do. What's strange is that at the time, I liked it.", says Laure. "After giving birth, I lived very dark moments. Having had a violent father, I was afraid to reproduce this pattern on my little boy. And Philippe took the opportunity to sink me into my fears. He kept telling me. that I was crazy. And that I had to be careful not to become like my father, violent. Over time, I wonder where the love was in there ", she adds. Moral harassment is at its peak.
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The son as an object of harassment
When their son turns 1, Philippe leaves home. But the harassment does not stop. He spies on her because his workplace is located just below the family apartment. "He watched my every move. He even made my trash to see if I didn't have someone. He called me every day.", testifies Laure. "Throughout this ordeal, my son has been my strength and still is. I have always seen my life as drowning and I came to the surface thanks to my child ", she says. Months pass and she leaves this harmful accommodation too close to her ex, to go to a low-cost housing. 10 years "horror" begin, according to her. Philippe invites himself at any time of the day, even at night, claiming to want to see her son, which Laure cannot prevent, because she wants the father / son bond to remain. Insults and shouting over the phone complete the picture. “Some friends would tell me 'But why are you answering?'. If I didn't, he would call the gendarmes to say he was worried. He was pouring out his hatred. I wanted to press charges, but I was so demeaned. that I could not express myself. I even heard from some gendarmes, not all of them, because I do not want to generalize, 'If there is violence, there are beatings', which I do not want to generalize. could prove ", reports the forty-something.
I have always seen my life as a drowning and I came to the surface thanks to my son.
A new life
After years of suffering, a cousin's entry into her life changed everything. "She rebelled about this situation. It was Wonder Woman. And she was especially interested in me!"exclaims Laure. This outside gaze helps him regain control over his existence. "She didn't hesitate to face him", she testifies. Laure sends CVs to her cousin's department and gets a new job. In this new life, Philippe began to gradually stop harassing her knowing that her hold was less, thanks to the distance and the presence of Laure's cousin. But it was not until the majority of her son that Laure was no longer obliged to be in contact with her ex. A happy ending that leaves a bitter taste, however, that Laure intends to leave behind by testifying.
Why do it today? Laure wants to tell other victims of harassment "You are not alone. Talk to relatives or a psychologist. That is what saved me."
Do you want to tell your story, an event in your life that has marked you? Do you want to break a taboo? Send us your testimonial to: [email protected]
* First names have been changed.