Trained veterinarian, columnist on RTL and author, Hélène Gateau recounts her quasi-filial relationship with Colonel, a 4 and a half year old border terrier, in a book Why I chose to have a dog (and not a child) (Albin Michel, 176 pages, 17.90 euros), published on September 13. Single, without children, she assumes the parental bond forged with her animal, and of having given it “the place of the child she decided not to have”.
You claim the choice to have a dog and not a child. Why did you need to justify yourself?
Those around me asked me a lot of questions about the relationship I had with my dog, about the fact that I was experiencing a pseudo-motherhood or a simulation of parenthood through my dog. Some even sometimes rely on my relationship with Colonel to persuade me that I will be a perfect mother. I have already heard: “You are so involved with your dog, that it obviously shows a maternal fiber in you. » These reflections pushed me to reflect on the love I have for Colonel and on my real motivations for having adopted a dog rather than having a child. My lifestyle choice remains marginal but I am convinced that it is an emerging and growing trend, even if it is still rarely claimed as such.
Is it still frowned upon to be a forty-year-old, single, childless but with a pet?
The image of the “mother with dogs”, that of a single woman surrounded by doggies, has not completely disappeared. Daring to say that you give a place of king to your four-legged companion, when you live alone, remains poorly received. A woman without children is already put in a box, if in addition she says she prefers to have a dog because it means fewer constraints, it’s a double punishment. She is suspected of being misanthropic, she is accused of selfishness, of suffering from Bambi syndrome, which consists of feeling tender towards any being who is not human… I wanted to show that we can have a rich social and emotional life, feeling good about yourself, and at the same time being totally fulfilled by the presence of a dog.
You say you live, with your dog, a kind of parenthood. What do you mean ?
I obviously differentiate between the human species and the canine species. A dog is not a child. But today having an animal in your life is one of the many ways to experience parenthood. You can make a family with a dog, the bond of attachment with him is very close to that which is created with a baby. Taking care of it, feeding it, protecting it, cuddling it, raising it is an outlet for our need to take care of a living being, for our nurturing behavior. This ability for alloparenting is inscribed in our DNA, the fact of being able to take on the role of parent for a child who is not ours. Why couldn’t we express it to another species? Inasmuch as dog mom [« maman d’un chien »]I consider myself the fruit of an evolution and not an aberration!
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