If we are completely honest … in truth we cannot at all: be honest. That is, if "being honest" means saying what we believe to be the truth, maybe already. But on a lot of questions we do not know the absolutely honest (read, the true) answer for all people, for example, "What is happiness?", "What is a meaningful life?" and "Why am I as I am?". So what does it matter if we live with a lie here and there – especially if this lie is good for us?
According to psychologists, these lies are healthy
In fact, psychologists have come to the conclusion that we live happier with certain lies than with the truth. Shelley Taylor from UCLA in California was the first to popularize the thesis in 1988 and to this day colleagues continue to jump to the side with approval and evidence. According to Taylor, the healthy lies that we (should) tell ourselves can be divided into three large groups.
1. "I'm better than the average."
According to different studies, most people identify more with their positive characteristics than with their negative ones. The majority also consider themselves "better than the average" – which is obviously untrue from a purely mathematical point of view. This usually refers to "better than average" personality traits that are difficult to measure, such as generosity, responsibility, politeness and intelligence. On the other hand, when it comes to such special skills as unicycling or programming, most – correctly – rate themselves as worse than the average.
According to Taylor, such a slight overconfidence helps us to understand ghealthy self-confidence and self-esteem build. However, if it goes too far, so that our own perception is too much at odds with that of others, it does the opposite – because then disappointments, failures and loneliness are inevitable and personality disorders such as narcissism are at risk. So that means: Ideally, we value ourselves a little more than we might deserve – but always keep it nice for us!
2. "I have my own destiny in my hand."
Our language already confirms that this is a widespread view: "Everyone is a lucky smith." But to find out that there isn't that much truth in it, you only have to think for five minutes. Clearly, with our decisions and our actions, we can shape our lives to some extent. But: We don’t always make the best possible decision, that we can meet at a certain time, under these very special and unique circumstances …?
In addition, we are really helpless to countless factors. From the place of birth to the social situation of our parents to the social norms that influence our way of life. If we are honest, the part that we determine ourselves is ultimately much smaller than the part for which we have no free choice.
But how should we motivate ourselves if we are constantly aware of this knowledge? How should we feel strong and confident? Just! So we prefer to displace them and talk to ourselves to manage our own destiny. And that's a good decision and a great example of what we really choose freely: our attitude to fate! And at least we have a bit of luck in our own hands.
3. "The future will be great, especially for me."
The third healthy lie is that we are generally much more optimistic about the future than our experience and reason teach us. For example, we know from statistics and psychology that only a few couples stay together for the rest of their lives (because people are so likely to develop so differently that they eventually fall apart), but we still promise our partner at the altar from the bottom of our hearts "until that Death separates us ".
One could argue that unrealistic optimism often leads to severe disappointments and therefore tends to harm us. But Hope and confidence give us strength and we need them to cope with our present with the joy and courage to live.
Nevertheless, the same applies to this lie as to the others: we shouldn't overdo it with the castles in the air!