helicopter parents
What happens when we try to protect our children from everything
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As parents, we want to protect our little ones from trouble. However, if parents impose themselves too much, it can negatively affect children in their development.
Overprotection is the keyword when it comes to so-called helicopter parents. They hover over the little ones like a helicopter and have everything in view. Out of concern or fear that something will happen to the child, they wrap it in cotton and make the decisions themselves. However, experts warn against not giving the child the freedom it needs to make its own mistakes: falling down and getting up again, learning what it has to do on its own. After all, that is part of life.
Possible effects of overprotectiveness
To be clear in advance: Parental care is of course important for the development of the little ones. It’s not about being cool or ignoring the child’s needs. But who takes care of a child too much and wants to lay the sky at his feet, der:die often causes spoiled offspring and inhibits development. Because the child learns that he:she is the center of everything and that other opinions are less important. Self-love is therefore not uncommon and Children of helicopter parents often lack important skills later in life. Because mum, dad or parent always arranged everything for him:her.
However, the opposite can also happen and the child is more withdrawn and shy because it does not dare to take its own steps. In this case, they often have separation anxiety about their parents. The background of helicopter parents is actually well-intentioned in any form: the parents do not want the child to fail or experience negative emotions. But especially in childhood, these experiences are part of an important learning process.
Skills that children with helicopter parents often don’t learn
Experts and researchers have found that children of overprotective parents usually have certain problems when they are teenagers or adults. Experiences that they would normally have gained in the family environment are missing. Because: Children can learn something every day from birth (and sometimes even during pregnancy). From lifting your head to crawling and meeting other children for the first time. If parents interfere too much, for example deciding where and with whom the child can play – or that they should just not do small (and harmless) tasks in the kitchen (e.g. for fear of injury), there may be a lack of competence in the following skills:
- communication
- dealing with other people and skill in relationships
- housekeeping
- Taking care of your own mental and personal health
- Showing and recognizing one’s own needs
- Making decisions or taking initiative
- money and time management
- to take responsibility
Serious consequences that may result from this
Later in life, over-attended children often find that they lack skills. If you have problems establishing or maintaining relationships, it will be difficult for you with friends or partners. Even basic life skills such as money or time management would make their lives easier, but usually turn out to be difficult because they never had to worry about them before. The realization that they have problems in many areas can sometimes lead to anxiety disorders, depression or excessive alcohol consumption in affected children – later teenagers and adults. Many also do not know how to regulate their own emotions from bad or stressful situations.
Signs of being overprotective
The following situations (if they occur regularly) can indicate that a child is being overprotective.
- A parent always solves a child’s problems
- “Difficult” schoolwork is solved by the parents
- Daycare supervisors or teachers receive instructions on how to deal with the child, because the parents have no confidence in their skills
For example: instructions to the daycare center on how the child has to be accompanied differently in the afternoon nap – or: a parent who absolutely has to go on a class trip, otherwise the child could “feel lonely” - The parent decides where the child can and cannot go
- Helicopter parents usually take care of the child in their own home, from cooking food to cleaning and tidying up the room to picking up and washing the laundry – the complete package of a housekeeper
- They are overly protective of their child, saying no when they want to try something (e.g. a new hobby or something that was fine with other kids in the class)
researchers one study support the assumption that children of helicopter parents may experience difficulties as they get older. This shows both emotionally and in their behavior. depression and anxiety disorders were also often worked out as possible subsequent symptoms. However, further research is needed in this area that relates to these developments over time in children and adults.
Sources used: aok.de, psychologytoday.com, kita.de, apa.org, frontiersin.org