Hey mommies!
Saying how we are is not whining!
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There is hardly a sentence that our author currently hears more often from her friends than "Sorry, I complain at a high level". She thinks that's a shame, because in her opinion nobody has to apologize for complaining at a high level. On the contrary.
by Marie Stadler
I did jammer fasting in November last year. I liked the idea of simply squeezing my buttocks together in the middle of lockdown and not oiling around the whole time that I was even able to get a few friends and my mother to join in with my enthusiasm for anticipation. The thought of just seeing the good together was wonderful! Then the fasting days started and to be honest: It turned out very differently than I thought. I kept biting my tongue and noticed that all the other fasting friends were also pretending that everything was fine and feeling that my mom was getting lonelier and lonelier without our conversations about the shadows of these times. It wasn't that I didn't see the bad anymore. I was just left alone with it and everyone else too.
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The very unctuous speaking Jammerfastenmaster told me every day via video something about perception, self-love and joie de vivre. Meanwhile, I listened and put the dishwasher away, because with four children in lockdown there is no time for unctuous videos or large acts of self-love without clearing the dishwasher. There is no time to meditate, to think, for walks in the forest alone or a nice book. Is just not! I'm happy when I get a few hours of sleep at a time. In lockdown you function as a mother. You can tell me what you want, that's how most parents feel right now. Is that horrible? No! Am I reluctant to be a mother No! Is everything stupid right now? No! But do I have to "whine" sometimes to be honest about how I am? Isn't it good to shed a few tears in the face of all the tension, the demands and the fears? YES! Just YES !!!
I want to know how you are!
It may be that there are people who put all their efforts in their left pocket, just smile and feel good about it. But some are just not like that. Anyone who has their heart on their sleeves is not particularly good at self-censorship. Yes, of course, many are far worse off than we are. I know that. I respect that. And I'm grateful for all I have. I am also sure that most of the people around me have had a rather good fortune with their fate. And yet I really want my friends to call me when they go crazy, no matter the reason. And if it's just the combination of a teen attack, a bit of PMS, a shitty night and closed swimming pools. No matter! It is really, really important to me that you let me know your true thoughts instead of turning on the can-feel-filter. I see the fact that they cry as much as they can, simply because they feel like it, as a vote of confidence. How else should I know how they're doing? How else can I trust myself to say how I'm doing, even if it's a little ridiculous?
Mama shaming has never been as shameful as it is now
I know there are a lot of people who see it differently. "As a mother, that's just the way it is, we decided to do it, all this Mimimi is a mess! The only ones I'm worried about are the children!" … I understand! I really understand this attitude! And no, I don't think anyone is dishonest. There are simply these people who are very, very resilient and basically positive. It's admirable, it's exemplary, and it's inspiring. But it must not become the measure of all other mom's emotions.
Mama shaming is always wrong, but in these times I find it more shameful than ever. We should support, understand, stand by and show ourselves that this pandemic is not a walk in the park for either of us, rather than censor or ridicule ourselves. I think you don't have to be the poorest man on earth to whine a little. In all honesty: if we eat everything inside of us, where will it end? Do we all want to end up sitting in front of a therapist because we feel so lonely and burned out with our grief? But above all: what do we want to say to these therapists then? That all is well? That we are damn well, that we are always grateful and that our role as a mother was the easiest and most beautiful job in the world in every second of this pandemic? Of course we say that! There is no other way. After all, anything else would be whining on a high level …
This article originally appeared on Eltern.de.