Have courage!
How fear can help us subconsciously strengthen our relationships
Fear can be a drive, an emotion that wants to draw our attention to something.
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A relationship can only suffer if one person is constantly the fearful part – right? In fact, it is exactly the opposite.
Letting people in on us means risking them hurting us. But letting them into our hearts also means that we occasionally worry about their well-being, about our togetherness, about their future and ours together. And for some people, these worries are more pronounced than for others, “from time to time” quickly becomes “always”. How exhausting it must be to be with a person who is always worried about everything and everyone, who goes through life fearfully and thoughtfully – that’s what some people for whom fear is a big issue in life might think.
But is that really the case? At least psychologist and Harvard professor David H. Rosemary sees it differently. On the contrary, he even claims that anxious people are better partners. In the following lines we will explain why this is so.
First of all, fear is not a bad thing
Someone who constantly worries about all sorts of things is quickly seen as a brake on fun in some circles, as someone who stands in their own way in life. First of all, fear is a good thing, a protective mechanism that warns us of dangers of a direct and indirect nature. Fear can also be a drive, an emotion that wants to draw our attention to something.
For example, if we care about the well-being of certain people, it can be a sign that we care about them and want them to be well. If we are regularly afraid of certain things, then this can also be an indication that our psyche is preoccupied with certain topics, and we can take it as an invitation to delve deeper into these topics.
In short: The problem is not fear, but how we deal with it as individuals and as a society as a whole. It’s not an illness or a nuisance – and not necessarily a problem for our relationships, whether platonic or romantic.
Fear strengthens our empathy
Psychologist Rosemary describes fear “not as a curse but as a strength”. Because those who feel fears and worries are more likely to empathize with other people and their problems. In short: Fear strengthens our empathy. In an experiment with his patients, he confirmed his theory: he spent an hour with them on the street, their task was to look at their fellow human beings and empathize with their emotional state.
He realized: The patients suffering from anxiety disorders were particularly good at recognizing the needs and feelings of those around them. They noticed the smallest details, such as facial expressions and clothing, that could indicate the person’s feelings. “The most compassionate people I have ever met have gone through significant difficulties in their lives,” the psychologist writes in an article on Psychology Today. “People who suffer from high levels of anxiety often learn valuable interpersonal skills because of — rather than despite — their fears.”
Of course, this is not to suggest that people who suffer from severe anxiety or even anxiety disorders should be happy about it – fear can be a great torment for any individual, can be paralyzing and drive to despair. But “Fear also helps us recognize and appreciate the needs of those around us and can literally make the world a better place,” says Rosemary.
Be gracious to yourself and appreciate their feelings of caring, appreciate their caring abilities. Because that really is a superpower.
Sources used: pektrum.de, greatergood.berkeley.edu, psychologytoday.com