how to alleviate pain during sex?

Endometriosis causes sometimes excruciating pain, also called dyspareunia, during intercourse. Here are 7 tips to soothe them and indulge in the pleasures of sex without hurting.

Endometriosis affects 1 in 10 women. This chronic disease is characterized by the extrauterine development of cells that generally make up the uterine wall, or endometrium. If the word around this pathology is gradually released, there is however a subject that remains taboo: difficult sexuality. However, it is the third most common symptom, which affects 59% of endometriosis patients according to theEndometriosis Association*. In his work Endo & Sexo, Have a fulfilling sexuality with endometriosis, Marie-Rose Galès, who herself suffers from endometriosis, tackles this taboo. She delivers the techniques that have enabled her to improve her intimate life. With the help of a specialist, we have listed for you some tips that will allow you to reduce pain during sex.

1. Communicate with his or her partner

In a relationship as with a partner for a night, communication is essential. Putting words about your suffering will help you understand sex better. "Sexuality is built in two, and endometriosis (like any disorder affecting intimate life) must be taken into account by everyone, and not only by the one who suffers from it" explains Marjorie Cambier, clinical psychologist and sex therapist. You don't have to go into detail and use scientific terms. If you prefer to keep it short, be sure to build a relationship of trust so that your partner understands that you need to isolate yourself or take refuge in your bubble. Endometriosis sometimes creates a feeling of guilt. We cannot repeat it enough: you have the right to say "no", not to want to have sex, because of a lack of libido or because you are in pain or even want to, but without penetration. "The more the partner knows, the more he / she will be able to adapt and pay attention. It should not be a taboo subject" she continues.

Spouses may also feel guilty when intercourse triggers pain. To prevent these situations, the sex therapist recommends communicating upstream, but also during the act. In his work Endo & Sexo, Have a fulfilling sexuality with endometriosis, Marie-Rose Galès advises, for example, to define a code to indicate when things are not going well. Clara, 24, suffers from endometriosis and does not hesitate to raise the subject with her female partners: "I never had any shame or any harm to locate the pain, and to make them understand how it hurt, since we were both menstruating each time. It's really reassuring to be able to talk about it freely with them. another girl, and then I had no guilt to be had, they have always been kind and understanding! "

2. Set up small rituals

The fear of being in pain is central to the sexual difficulties that women with endometriosis face. The many gynecological exams and the pain can cut you off from your body. One of the avenues to explore is then to reclaim your body to regain a certain intimacy. Massages, mindfulness meditation, sophrology … Marie-Rose Galès offers several methods to reconnect with your body in her work. "I try to breathe calmly, not to be in an anxious environment, although a lot of times I find myself in a fetal position. I try to be as relaxed as possible" says Marion, 25, creator of the @douceendometriose account, which addresses different aspects of the disease. Marjorie Cambier also gives some advice to soothe the pain. For example, simple abdominal breathing exercises, to be performed at any time of the day to accustom the body, "but especially just before intercourse and just before penetration to relax the perineum" she specifies. "Cardiac coherence also works a lot to relax the body (there are applications that work well); here too you have to practice often to get the body used to it".

Sport can also help to be more in tune with his feelings and reduce pain, but not just any. "Yoga nidra is interesting for deeply relaxing the body. Yoga, meditation, Pilates are disciplines that can be beneficial", tells us the sex therapist. On the other hand, "Avoid anything that contributes to a too tight perineum: mountain biking, horse riding, anything that shocks the area, sports that are too intensive, too percussive".

Video by Clara Poudevigne

3. Desecrate penetration

In heterosexual couples, intercourse revolves around penetration. What if we stopped limiting the sexual act to that? Not only do we know today that penetration is not the best path to female orgasm, but there are many other pleasures to explore. Endometriosis can cause pain during penetration: intromission (entrance to the vagina) or deep dyspareunia (pain deep in the vagina). "In addition, pain causes physical tension and contractions in women who suffer from it (when it hurts, you contract, it is a reflex). They can therefore develop over time what is called a secondary vaginismus, making penetration painful or even impossible " says Marjorie Cambier. Clara, 24, says: "My first pills killed my libido, so almost no natural lubrication and pain during penetration: I developed vaginismus. At the beginning of my first relationship with a girl, it didn't matter much to me, with the absence of penetration, but the more we advanced and tested things, the more it hurt me a lot ".

"How many lesbians are told that they cannot suffer from dyspareunia because without penetration they cannot have a sex life?" writes Marie-Rose Galès, denouncing the pressure of penetration and heterocentric relationships. "Sometimes the penetration is impossible, it's ok. You have to learn to consider the penetration as a sexual practice like another, not more important, and not necessarily the finality of the report either" adds Marjorie Cambier.

4. Favor slowness and "slow sex"

"Favor slowness, slow sex, gentleness" advises the sex therapist. In slow sex, having sex is seen as a path to walk together and not a goal (orgasm) to be reached. This way of making love does not fixate on penetration and orgasm. There are many paths that lead to pleasure! Close to Tantrism, this approach invites partners to be in the present moment, by listening to their sensations and breaths. With endometriosis, mindful sex can be a good way to create a bubble of serenity, away from the hassle of everyday life. There is also a series of exercises conducive to slow sex to learn to relax and develop body sensitivity.

5. Choose the right position

You may want to switch to penetration, but there are some positions that cause you sharp pain. "Most people with endometriosis evoke the feeling of a stab in the lower abdomen, when the penetration is deep" indicates the author Marie-Rose Galès. She thus offers several positions, with a deep penetration (the doggy style, the anvil, the Andromache – in this position, the woman can in particular control the penetration -, the octopus) and with a shallow penetration (the spoon, the jewelry box, liana and lotus). The sex therapist Marjorie Cambier recommends, for her part, to"adapt positions, practices, contexts and systematically use lubricant".

6. Explore other erogenous zones

Just as sexuality is not limited to penetration, it is also not restricted to the basic erogenous zones that are the vulva, the clitoris, or the penis. Going in search of your secondary erogenous zones allows you to rediscover the benefits of caresses and sensuality. Their stimulation increases the level of arousal and facilitates the onset of orgasm. They are often unique to each person. The opportunity to make a game of it and spend time under the covers trying to discover yours and those of your partner. Lips, neck, ears, buttocks, thighs, hollow of the back … "Once you have found it, do not hesitate to vary the sensations, playing on the intensity of the caresses" advises the author ofEndo & Sexo.

7. Get help from a professional

There is no quick fix for finding great sex with endometriosis. In addition to these few tips to implement, being accompanied by a professional can prove to be a precious help in this obstacle course. "This involves changing your representations of sexuality. And this can be done as part of a work in sex therapy, which in my opinion is very important in cases of endometriosis: we work on the representations, the adaptation of the sexuality, the emotional aspect of things, the impact on morale, the feeling of femininity and the couple, pain management (in particular making the distinction between pain and suffering and working all this in session)… " explains Marjorie Cambier. Clara underwent rehabilitation with a specialized physiotherapist to treat sexual pain associated with endometriosis. A job that has helped her a lot and has "made it clear that having pain was not normal". "The rehabilitation of the perineum by a physiotherapist or a midwife can be very useful, in case of tension, secondary vaginismus, pain related to muscle tension. Do not hesitate to do it" confirms the sex therapist.

Thanks to Marjorie Cambier, clinical psychologist and sex therapist, www.sexopsy-cambier.com.

Do you suffer from endometriosis and this has an impact on your sex life? If you wish to testify, send us an email to: [email protected]

Sources:
Endo & Sexo: Have a fulfilling sexuality with endometriosis (
Ed Josette Lyon), by Marie-Rose Galès from the blog Endométriose mon amour
Mary Lou Ballweg and the Endometriosis Association, The endometriosis source book, Contemporary Books, 1995