One day, the children leave the nest… If this period is difficult for the couple, it can also be beneficial. This is an opportunity to make a new start, to live a second youth and to fall in love with your partner again.
“My youngest left home at 27. I know I’m already extremely lucky that she stayed so late, but I had a very bad experience of it. When I think back to when she entered the elevator with her red suitcase and the door closed behind her, I still have tears in my eyes…”remembers Françoise, 60 years old. “ I felt deep sadness. The house seemed empty to me. No more discussions while I took my bath, no more family evening movies, the snack time that has always been sacred, the hours spent comforting her when she was heartbroken. Now I was going to have to make do with all those memories.”. Words that perfectly reflect what many parents feel when their children leave the nest. We may know that it will happen sooner or later, but we are never really prepared for it. And for good reason, daily life is shaken up, so we will have to reinvent it.
Take stock of your couple
“The departure of the children is always difficult and complicated because we are faced with an empty nest, for which we are never sufficiently prepared. Hence the interest of talking about it as much as possible with each other, to take stock of our couple, our feelings, our desires and our needs. It is essential to know why we stay together and how we will use this time together.analyzes Pascal Anger, psychologist specializing in family therapy. The important thing is not to be in denial because we will very quickly be overtaken by the void, the silence, which can literally dig a gap between the two partners.
A sometimes fatal face-to-face for the couple
Indeed, if the departure of the children is an opportunity for some to reinvent the couple, others cannot resist it. After having overinvested in their role as parents for years, they are struggling to reshuffle the cards. The study on breakups and repartnerships among people aged 50 and over published by the National Institute for Demographic Studies (INED) in February 2021 demonstrates that separations among sexagenarians have almost doubled in ten years. According to researcher Anne Solaz, while divorces remain less frequent with advancing age, the share of senior divorces tripled among those aged 60 and over between 1996 and 2016. “The propensity to divorce continues to increase at these ages whereas it stabilized at earlier ages”, she says. A painful but sometimes necessary separation.
A new start
Until then, the couple was united around a common project: that of raising children. Their departure questions the need to federate around new projects. What desires have we left aside by telling ourselves that it was not the right time or that we were running out of time? Traveling, writing a book, reading, going back to college, going on a hike, getting involved in an association, dropping everything to go live on the other side of the world… It’s now or never to get started!
For some, it’s a second youth. We are going to emancipate ourselves, we are going to want to make up for lost time
“The departure of the children marks a new beginning, underlines the specialist. For some, it’s a second youth. We are going to emancipate ourselves, we are going to want to make up for lost time, embark on projects that we could not do or live when our children lived under the same roof because we were locked up without realizing it. counts in our role as parents and that we have not lived our life enough as a man or as a woman. We are going to want to find a life of a man or a woman, to go out with friends. We will then redefine our life choices, enjoy this freedom gained.
rekindle the flame
With daily life and the years, seduction can fall asleep. The departure of the children is an opportunity to rekindle the flame and rediscover yourself under the covers. How ? By agreeing to many moments of pleasure and complicity for two (massage, restaurant, cinema, etc.), keeping in mind that the idea is to re-seduce the other. But also by taking the time to really kiss each other, by making real movie kisses, without just a little kiss to say hello and good night. Signs of tenderness and caresses are welcome! The atmosphere in which one immerses oneself to have sex is also essential: soft music, dimmed lighting, rose petals… or on the contrary, role-playing games and naughty accessories, there is something for everyone. The key ? Talking about your fantasies and doing everything to make them come true. The children are no longer there, no one is likely to disembark unexpectedly.
Julie Giorgetta
Journalist specializing in health and well-being (health, nutrition, pregnancy/baby, psycho and sex themes), Julie Giorgetta is a graduate of La Sorbonne and the Ecole Supérieure de Journalisme de Paris. In …