SOS MAÏA
In theory, sexuality is no longer taboo. In practice, there are questions that we dare not ask anyone … In any case, anyone who can judge us (partners, friends) or recognize us (doctors, shrinks). Some confessions are bottles in the sea, anonymous, which are almost private diaries. Some questions, on the other hand, could concern millions of people and would benefit from being discussed collectively. For years now, the columnist of “La Matinale” Maïa Mazaurette (who is not a sex therapist, let us remember!) Has received hundreds of messages. She now answers them once a month, as part of her Sunday column, with her proverbial good humor – and her very personal obsession with a host of statistics.
In view of your experience, is there a secret to making couples with a big age difference last?
Not so easy, indeed! In France, the average age difference between partners is two years (generally in favor of the man). The more the gap widens, the more I would recommend being aware of power dynamics … which is not completely obvious, as our couple mythologies are based on the idea that love flattens (or sublimates) everything. the differences. The speech is certainly familiar to you: “We found ourselves beyond all obstacles, beyond the passing of time, beyond the ring road and metro line 13, our relationship is perfectly equal. “
All this is wonderfully romantic, but the eldest of the couple still has, a priori, experience, professional stability and income that greatly facilitate decision-making power. To give a concrete example: romance costs money. If only one of the two partners can pay for Ouigo’s tickets during the Ascension Bridge, then the other is in moral debt. – whether it is voluntary or not.
At first it may seem fun to play (and eroticize!) These roles: protector and protege, pygmalion and muse, generous donor and poor little pampered thing. But if this asymmetry is sustained over time, the younger partner may develop frustration. We must therefore put ourselves in a situation of being able to reshuffle the cards … and preferably before the problems of old age invite themselves in the couple! Because if one partner has taken advantage of his youth, but the other feels that he has sacrificed it, the slope begins to become slippery.
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