I got pregnant and she disappeared from my life: ghosted by girlfriend

Hosted by the girlfriend
"I got pregnant and she disappeared from my life"

Christmas time. I had an appointment with Sarah for a mulled wine. That I won't drink that evening was still my little secret. I was eight weeks pregnant, and finally I saw the tiny little heart pounding at the doctor's. In the critical first trimester you like to keep the news to yourself. But Sarah should know. She was one of my best friends and knew how big I had wanted to have children for several years. I was so happy to tell her about it.

She was happy too, but somehow not either.

Do you know that? When someone laughs but somehow their eyes don't look like joy? I was so excited, but I got a damn right away. She was happy for me, but the expected girlfriend excitement failed. Okay, I have to work on myself, I thought. My expectations. And maybe first of all make it clear to me that news like this may also overwhelm friends. Wasn't she expecting it? We then talked about other topics. I blamed it on my hormones. How should she empathize with that?

I then saw her three more times

Twice in pregnancy, once after giving birth. Sarah didn't have an easy time during my pregnancy. Her health was not doing well, her partnership crumbled. I knew that too. I tried to be there for her. I didn't want to get into the "She's only interested in her unborn child" line. I wrote to her regularly via Whatsapp, I also called her sometimes, although that's not typical for me. I collected one basket after another. The meetings did not suit her, she was mostly not doing well. If we had an appointment, we received a cancellation at short notice. "It will definitely work another time." However, there was no alternative date suggestion.

I felt guilty.

Pregnancy made me prosperous, but she was not doing well. It didn't go together and I developed an understanding for it. I tried a lot. Always asked how she is doing. Can I do something? Without asking, I wrote a Whatsapp afterwards, made a joke to make her laugh. When she was on sick leave again, I made a small care package for her and put it in front of her door. She thanked me and thought it was really nice of me, she would have been very happy. A little glimmer of hope for me.

My daughter was born

I was overjoyed and proud as hell. What kind of miracle had I created there? While my hospital room was permanently occupied by family and friends, I received a refusal from her. About two weeks later, she and other friends came to my house and gave me my birth present. There it was again: the smile without joy in the eyes. Two rejections followed for renewed appointment requests. The last message came from her, actually it was actually my turn to answer. But then the lack of sleep and the first excessive demands of a mom set in – and my body became a problem area. Aching breasts, migraines, back, down below. I was happy, but I was dealing with myself. I ran on the back burner – and that for a moment. My sweet daughter wasn't the best sleeper. To do this, I had to find a new job. My fixed-term contract before maternity leave expired during parental leave. So I also did job interviews and simply had no strength to put energy into something that doesn't seem to be bearing fruit. I'm only human too – I was disappointed. I also waited for her to ask. Mal asks how I am. I waited. Nothing came.

That was a year ago now

Sarah is now married. At some point I found out about three corners that she had received an application and some time later I saw photos of the wedding on Instagram. Both made me cry. "Maybe she wanted a baby and she couldn't stand the sight of you?" Said a friend. Yes, perhaps. But actually she knew how much I can empathize with this feeling. Our partners also had some things in common, so that I could have understood everything and even made a good conversation partner. If it would have opened. If I had stuck behind it even more, I might have written another Whatsapp. Or called again. But to exclude myself from such big events in your life has hurt me so much that I must now tick it. She should be one of the first to find out about my happiness, and I never about hers.

Write a card?

Despite the disappointment, I was happy for her. Also for her honeymoon, which I was able to follow on Instagram. Everything seemed ok with her partner. With their health (hopefully) too. I thought for a long time, and still do, whether I should send her a greeting card. Or write a letter. I miss you. My Sarah. But something is holding me back. Maybe the thought that she broke up with me. Without any words. With a blank look. She doesn't want anymore. It's ok, I accept. Even when it hurts.