In 2020, women are still under pressure from society to have children. Some women have been trying for several years, others, like Bettina Zourli, don't want it. A decision that she takes, and claims loud and clear, in her book "Childfree – I Don't Want a Child".
“People talk to me about regrets, but we can also regret motherhood”. Married for two years, Bettina has chosen not to have children. A choice that she claims in particular as an ecological and feminist commitment. "I am not an anti-natalist, but motherhood has been seen for a long time as the realization of a woman's life", she specifies. For her, not wanting a child is not a sign of selfishness and will never be a goal in life. “We make women understand that if they do not become mothers, they will not be real women”, she confides. “Having a child is considered the holy grail for a woman, when it is not.”
A book to deconstruct criticism
So she decided to write a Childfree book – I Don't Want Children, to deconstruct any harsh reactions she may have received. Indeed, the 29-year-old author realized that there was pressure hanging over age and life stages. “With my husband, we bought an apartment with one bedroom and people found it weird”. However, this decision does not concern anyone other than the couple.
Well aware of the obstacles that motherhood can cause, the young Belgian "refuses to have a child so as not to jeopardize his marriage and his work."
Read also > "Testimonial: I don't want a child … so what?" <
Learn to relieve guilt
For Bettina, we must stop having to justify ourselves on this choice, which is not really one. “I think he doesn't see it as an announcement to make, because there is nothing wrong with it, yet there is that guilty side to it.”
Nevertheless, she insists, this way of life does not call into question the choice of others. "You have to create an argument for yourself using books, explaining calmly why you don't want children and above all insist on the fact that this does not call into question the decisions of others."
We hope that women will no longer have to justify intimate choices that concern them only.
Thanks to Bettina Zourli for her testimony.